-By Gizmo-

Copyright 1999

CHAPTER 1

NEAR GRAND FORKS, NORTH DAKOTA, 1863

Buck sighed where he sat in front of a smaller campfire, in the Nakota village he had now come to know quite well. A year had passed, his left leg still not healed. It had broke in four places when he fell off his horse, just after leaving Rock Creek in 1862. A Nakota brave found him, brought him to his village. If it wasn't for him, Buck knew he'd be dead, and he also knew he owed his life to this brave, whom people called Silent Arrow. He had a sister, Smiling Flower, who occasionally dropped by Buck's teepee, but not to be friendly. She helped her mother care for Buck, but she always did it with a frown, and she never spoke to him in a friendly way. Buck, however, found her behavior quite amusing, as it was the only yelling he had received since he left Rachel in Rock Creek. This added much to Smiling Flowers unexplained anger.

Now when he could at least limp around the village, he didn't see much of Silent Arrow's sister, but Silent Arrow himself was becoming a very good friend.

"Running Buck!" he called suddenly, causing his Kiowa friend to look up with a startled look on his face.

"Sit down," Buck offered, making some space by the fire.

"Thank you. Have you heard about the warriors going on a hunt tomorrow?" Silent Arrow asked, Buck shaking his head.

"No, I haven't. What kind of hunt?"

"The buffaloes are returning! There'll be a lot of food for us, if we can track them down and hunt before the white men come. All the warriors are parting, even the boys and some elders. I thought maybe you…?" Silent Arrow gave Buck a curious glance, hoping he'd see his friend ride with him.

"I can't even walk, let alone ride," Buck said with a disappointed frown.

"Sure you can! The horse will do the running if you do the hunting," his friend smiled widely, patting Buck's shoulder.

He rose, still smiling as he walked off to his teepee. Buck shook his head, thinking it was an insane idea, but still very tempting. He wanted to part in the hunt, but wondered what the tribe chief would say.

He rose with a slight sway, then hobbled off to his own teepee. It was getting dark, and to be honest with himself, it was wearing him out to limp around, and if he was to part in the hunt after all, he thought he best get some sleep.

The morning broke sooner than he wished, and it was with tired eyes he scanned the crowd of men for Silent Arrow. He found his friend by his father's teepee, decorating his horse with religious signs.

"Running Buck!" he greeted with a large smile.

"Thought I'd at least go see what's happening, all the noise makes it pretty hard to sleep," he said with a tired smile.

"You can borrow my other horse, there is plenty of time to make yourself ready," Silent Arrow said with an I-won't-take-no-for-an-answer look in his eyes.

"My leg hurts," Buck pleaded, his friend shaking his head.

"You're riding with me. My father will lead, you and I will ride after him. Now, get ready!" he smiled, Buck giving up with a sigh.

"Alright, but only because I owe you," he smirked, Silent Arrow shrugging - it was a fair deal.

Buck collected what he needed for the hunt and returned by Silent Arrow's side. Standing ready for him was a small, dusty gray horse, with big black eyes looking at him as he approached her and cautiously stroked her neck.

"She will run wherever you want her to. And she is very careful, so your leg won't hurt," Silent Arrow spoke, one last time making sure his friend couldn't excuse himself.

Buck shrugged, grabbing a pot of blue paint and started decorating his borrowed mount.
He was oblivious to Smiling Flower standing behind him, a faint smile behind her lips as she watched him work. She went about with her chores, occasionally glancing up at him where he stood. When her mother came outside, she also looked at Buck for a moment, then smiled with her daughter.

For several hours the Nakota braves rode in the buffaloes trail, heading for more open grounds. A sea of buffaloes awaited only miles away, still not knowing what was about to occur. The riders approached them cautiously, only a few feet above them on a hill.

"It's now it begins, Running Buck. Now it's kill or be killed, only the bravest survives. Once you've in the middle of that herd there's no turning back!" Silent Arrow spoke in his usual dramatic exaggeration, Buck for the millionth time thinking how much like Cody he was.

"Be silent!" another brave hissed, in turn being slapped over the shoulder by the man sitting next to him in the grass.

No more words were spoken, only minutes later they were galloping down the hill, the warriors screaming out their excitement, the buffaloes starting to run. Silent Arrow had been right in every word, it was very dangerous to ride among the big animals, but for the sake of the tribe survival they all did it without once hesitating.

They returned to their camp, tired and hungry after the hunt, all knowing there would be a dance the same night to thank the gods and spirits for their fortune. Over twenty buffaloes were shot and only one brave had been injured, trying to fight a big bull without weapons.

Buck sat silent on his horse, his Nakota friend watching him from a distance. He dismounted, still with an eye at Buck. The Kiowa seemed most exhausted, head and shoulders hanging, eyes tired and dark.

"Thanks for borrowing me your horse," he mumbled as he carefully landed on the ground, left leg sending bright stars through his body.

"I knew she'd be right for you," Silent Arrow smiled, taking the reins from his friend.
"You should get some rest, it'll be a long night. There's food now, and we have to eat it while it's fresh. I know the women have prepared for the evening," he explained, sitting down on a log outside his father's teepee.

Buck sat down as well, a deep sigh escaping as he thought of the day and all it's adventures. It had been long since he experienced something similar, and first now he realized he had missed it in a way.

"What are you thinking, Kiowa friend?" Silent Arrow asked after watching him stare out in the open air.

"Oh, nothing… Uh, I think you're right about getting some rest. I'm gonna start right away," he smiled as he stood again, walking toward his teepee.

Silent Arrow smiled also, looking after him. He was oblivious to his sister standing behind him, trying to cover a smile as she looked after Buck, who just entered his home.

"Running Buck?" Silent Arrow called.

It was past sundown, the celebrations about to start by the big fire in the middle of the camp.

Buck stood outside his teepee, wiping at his tired eyes. He gave his friend a lazy smile and a wave.

"I'm coming, have patience!"

They walked side by side toward the center of the camp, women and children joining them, most men already seated around the fire.

The night was eventful, many ceremonies and religious sacrifices followed by a dance. Buck sat in the shadows of a few standing men, who hoped the women would dance for them. It had been almost three hours before Silent Arrow joined his friend and sat down with a smile.

They sat quiet for long time, just watching the dancers and cheering men and women. Silent Arrow's eyes landed on his sister on the other side of the fire, and he comfortably laid back against log they were leaning at, with a content smile on his face. Buck turned to him with a questioning frown.

"What?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all, my friend. Nothing," the warrior teased, almost laughing at Buck's still confused face.
"Look there, she's coming over to our side of the fire," he pointed, Buck following his finger.

"Who? What are you smirking about?!" he chuckled, looking around.

"My sister, Smiling Flower. Right there, in the middle now."

Buck found her, saw the big smile on her face, amazed over the change in her. He had never seen her smile before, and now she looked like she could burst.

"She must've found a warrior to dance for," he commented, Silent Arrow now laughing really hard.
"What's your problem?" Buck grunted, a wry look on his face.

"You must be the blindest fool in this camp!"

"What?!" Buck couldn't believe he heard that.

"She's dancing for you, you idiot!"

Buck's face changed expression in a second, tired eyes on Silent Arrow.

"For me? She is dancing for me?"

Silent Arrow nodded, still smiling widely, a twinkle in his eye.

"My friend, you are the blindest fool in this camp," Buck stated calmly, turning back to the dancers.

"You can say whatever you like, but my sister is dancing for you. End of story!"

Silent Arrow rose shortly, leaving Buck somewhat troubled. As he turned, he saw Smiling Flower look at him with her big dark eyes, a mysterious look on her face.

"She hates me!" he called after his Nakota friend, who smiled even wider.

"No, she doesn't hate you. She fears you!" he explained, Buck shaking his head.

"No, why would she fear me? I'm not exactly dangerous," he objected, almost questioning.

"Maybe she first acted on instinct, weary of the injured animal which just might snap at her. But then she realized it wasn't the animal who was dangerous, it was what he had experienced. I tell you, Running Buck, the white world you know scares her. She thinks you're like the white men, only more dangerous, as you know two worlds! You can take good advantage of that," he smiled, Buck shaking his head.

"What are you talking about?" he asked honestly, looking up at his again laughing friend with a sigh.

"Listen to the beat, Running Buck. Watch her moves, her smile. My sister's in love with you!"

CHAPTER 2

Buck sighed, watching the dancing Nakotas, Silent Arrow walking away with a content smile. He knew his sister appreciated what he had just done, but he wasn't so sure Running Buck did. He seemed quite troubled by it all.

Buck noticed Smiling Flower's eyes on him, tried to avoid them. But it was hard, knowing how she felt for him, and not daring to tell her what he felt for her. His body froze as she stopped dancing and walked over to sit by his side.

"Are you enjoying the dance, Running Buck?" she asked, allowing a smile on her face.

He nodded, not knowing what to say.

"You seem a bit lonely, why don't you dance as well?" she smiled, pulling his hand.

"No thanks. I think my leg has had too much already, with the hunt today and all."

"Whatever," she said, leaning against the log.

They were both silent for a minute, Buck very uneasy about her presence.

"Um, Smiling Flower, your brother said something…" he began, pausing to collect his thoughts.

"Yes?"

"Um… He said you were, um… like, um…"

"Just say it in English, I'm sure it would make the understanding easier for both of us," she grimaced, Buck breaking out in a smile as well.

"Yeah, of course… He just said that…"

Buck couldn't find the words no matter how he tried. Smiling Flower grinned and nodded.

"You don't have to say it, then," she said, turning to look into the fire.

"No, maybe it's best not to," he agreed.

They said nothing more for several minutes, just watched the remaining dancers around the fire.

"I think I'll take a walk," Buck said suddenly, summoning courage.
"Wanna join me?"

"Sure," she smiled, rising.

It was really dark as they walked through the forest, side by side, no one saying a word. Buck was still unsure of what to tell her, but he still wanted to let her know he knew.

"Say, Smiling Flower," he began, fixing his eyes at the dark sky.

"What?" she asked, content with the broken silence.

"Are you promised to anyone?" he asked, regretting it immediately, but was unable to do anything about it.

"No," she answered with a hidden smile in her eyes.

"I just thought… I don't know what I thought. Perhaps we should get going back?"

"Why?" she asked.
"The dance will continue to dawn, and if you're not dancing it can get quite boring," she said, in the moonlight realizing he was smiling widely, still looking up at the stars.

It was an unwelcome smile that had forced itself up on his face, and he knew he was probably about to say something even more stupid than before. To prevent that the best way he could, he decided to keep his mouth shut for awhile.

They continued to walk among the trees, until they reached a clearing, which ended with a steep mountainside straight down into a ravine. They stopped, Buck sitting down in the grass to rest his leg.

"It's beautiful here," Smiling Flower said, Buck nodding silently, looking out over the edge.

"Yeah, it is…"

"You don't talk much, do you?" she had to ask, sitting down by his side, just a bit closer than Buck felt necessary.

"Nah, I don't know…" he replied, trying to mover slightly away from her.

"Look, I know I've been very short with you before," she said, and it was evidently hard for her.

"That's okay, I mean… We all have bad days," he answered, again wishing he could just shut himself up.

"No, it's not okay. I don't think so, I treated you wrong, just because you're half-white. It wasn't fair of me," she admitted, Buck turning to her with a frown.

"It really is okay, I'm not offended," he smiled.

"No?"

He shook his head, with a smile recollecting all the times she had yelled at him for moving his leg around too much.

"Good. I just wanted that out of the world," she smiled an uncomfortable smile.

Again they were silent, the moon and the stars shining above them. It was getting chilly, but still far from cold. Buck felt he had to do something, therefor carefully placed his arm around her shoulder.

"Do you mind?"

"Not at all," she smiled, cheeks getting hot with a redness she hoped he couldn't see.

"Do you come here often?" he asked, trying to keep the conversation.

"Every day. It's a place to be alone, none of the other women in the tribe come here. And it's peaceful too."

Buck nodded, thinking she was right. Though he didn't want them to, the words spoken by Silent Arrow earlier that evening repeated in his head.

Smiling Flower noticed how silent he suddenly grew, looked up at his face with a concerned look.

"What's wrong?" she asked, realizing his arm around her changed into a looser embrace as he leaned closer to kiss her.

She shied slightly, out of instinct.

"I've never kissed a man before," she whispered as he framed her face with his hands.

"Then I'll just have to kiss you and we'll see how it goes from there," he smiled, letting his lips meet hers.

He awoke as a warm breeze swept over his face and body. He looked around, realizing he was still in the clearing Smiling Flower had lead him to. He sat up, looking down at her pretty face, stroking her hair. She woke too, first shocked but then calmed herself and smiled back at him.

"Turned out quite well, didn't it?" he smirked, looking around for his shirt.

"What did?"

"That kiss," he said as he rose, picking up the buckskin clothing a few feet away.

She smiled for a long moment, just watching him. Then she got dressed as well, started to walk back to the camp with Buck close behind.

"Wonder what they'll all say," she murmured, just as he swept her into his embrace and kissed her for the first time that morning.

"Good question," he smiled, taking her hand.

Soon they could see the smoke from the fading campfires, and they decided to split up. The camp just wasn't ready to see them together, they thought.

Buck hadn't walked many steps since he and Smiling Flower parted before he heard horses gallop nearby. Through the trees came several riders, all painted up for war. He heard Smiling Flower cry out in Nakota, running toward him.

There was no escape, the horses soon surrounding them, their riders calling for them to stop running in a language they didn't know. Buck felt a blow to his right temple and heard Smiling Flower scream. A bright star appeared in front of him and he fell with a moan to the ground.

Smiling Flower knelt over him, protecting him with her own body. He riders turned toward the Nakota camp once again, decided the man and woman were no threat to their victory in the fight.

Buck awoke from Smiling Flower's sobs, her arms around him.

"Smiling Flower?" he spoke, looking up, trying to rise.

"You're hurt," she sobbed, looking over at the camp where men and women now fought for their lives.

"I'm okay, just help me up."

She extended her hand for him, supported him until he could stand.

"We can't go there, they'll kill us too," she spoke through the tears, Buck continuing to pull against the camp.

"I have to try," he said eagerly, right hand searching for the wound by his temple.

"Please, don't go there, don't leave me!" she screamed, Buck flashing her a bewildered look, then ran toward the Nakota camp.

When he reached the camp it was almost over already. The raging war party had swept through the camp, taking what they wanted and was now just fighting off the remaining braves, on their way back to wherever they came from.

Buck found Smiling Flower's brother, ran for his assistance.

"Where were you?" the brave asked, ducking as an arrow came through the air.

"That's not important, your sister's safe," Buck replied quickly, hoping it was true.

Only a few minutes passed, but it felt like so much longer. Soon the invading troop was on its way out of the camp in a full gallop, the warriors content over a won battle. Buck looked around, realizing the whole camp was more or less burnt to the ground, braves lying dead or wounded, women and children crying and screaming everywhere.

A sudden dizziness hit him, and he closed his eyes. Without noticing it, he fell to the ground, unconscious.

When he awoke it was all dark around him. For a moment he thought he was still outdoors, but the dim light from the fire in the middle of the lodge proved there was a roof above him. He also realized very soon he wasn't alone. Around him lay several men and women, all for what it seemed asleep. Suddenly a familiar face appeared in front of him, and he attempted a smile despite his aching head.

"Smiling Flower," he whispered, the woman by his side stroking his hair.

"I thought I'd lost you," she spoke, sitting up.

"What happened, isn't this the council lodge?" he asked in confusion, recognizing the building vaguely, had only been inside it once before.

"Yes, we had to put the wounded somewhere. Most teepees were burnt down, and luckily this one made it. They sure hit us at a vulnerable time," she said, looking around in the dark room, wide awake despite the late hour.

"Who did? I remember warriors attacking, but I don't think I ever realized who they were," Buck said, again getting her attention.

"It was the Ojibwas. They took almost all of the buffalo meat you brought back yesterday. They didn't want to start a war, they just wanted food. And now we're too weak to fight them and take back what's rightfully ours," Smiling Flower spoke with tears in her eyes.

"Hey, we'll make it, I'm sure we will," Buck comforted, rising to a half-sitting position, leaning on his elbows.

"You think? They knew exactly what they were doing, attacking at first light the morning after the hunt. Most of us never even understood what was happening!" she sobbed, Buck pulling her against his chest, trying to soothe her.

"It's gonna be okay, things will turn around," he whispered into her ear, hugging her close.

She let the tears fall down her cheeks for a few minutes, then lay down beside him, trying not to sob. She had been taught to be stronger than that. Buck watched over her until she had fallen asleep, then finally lay down to get some rest himself. His head was still hurting and he was aware of a tender swelling by his right temple, but at the time he didn't care about something that trivial. He knew a hard time was coming to the Nakota village, and many wouldn't make it. He just prayed most of them would.

CHAPTER 3

ONE YEAR LATER

Buck stepped into his teepee with a blanket in his arms. Smiling Flower lay sick inside, from both starvation and bad weather. Buck had so far done his best to keep her comfortable, but it seemed she was just getting worse. No more buffaloes had passed through since the big hunt a year ago, and now the tribe - or what was left of it - lived on the few wild animals they could find. They all grew more and more morose, as the warriors became to weak to hunt and fight and the women could no longer cook and nurse for them the way they used to. The Medicine man and the other shamans in the area prayed for better times, but every new day meant one or two deaths, one or two sick and maybe one or two sacrificed horses, in order to get the spirits listening.

Buck spread the blanket over his wife to-be, sitting down by the fire. Smiling Flower had been in his teepee for several weeks, too sick to move around. Buck spent as much time as he could by her side, but so far he was one of the strongest braves and had to hunt almost every day.

"How are you feeling?" he asked gently as she opened her tired eyes.

"I'm so tired all the time," se whined, Buck stroking her hair for a moment.

"You'll be okay," he said, like he always did, though they both knew it wasn't very likely true.

"What about you?" she asked, struggling to sit up, despite her weak arms kept bending under her.

"I'm alright," he grinned, patting his own stomach, knowing it wasn't as big as he tried to indicate. He just hoped she wouldn't notice.

She smiled, reaching out for his hand, stroking it for a moment.

"We're getting married soon," she said, smiling wider.

"Yeah, you got that right," he agreed, biting his lip.

"When I'm feeling better we're getting married," she said with a firm nod, letting go of his hand.

He moved closer to her, hugging her against his chest. Tears started rolling down his cheeks, but he would never let her know. She was crying too, feeling so trapped in herself, unable to even stand up just because her body wasn't fed properly. She sobbed and hugged him closer, leaning against him until she fell asleep. Like every day, Buck thought, carefully placing her on his bedroll, then walked outside to make his horse ready for another scan for food. He knew it was useless, but he had to keep trying, hoping things would change. With still a slight limp he moved over to his horse, meeting up with Silent Arrow who was already mounted and ready for a hunt.

The warrior looked awfully pale, sagging on his horse with a tired face. Buck knew he wasn't very likely to make it to summer either, and in a way he felt guilty being so well when every one else seemed to be dying. He looked up at Silent Arrow with a smile. The warrior returned it with a grin, gesturing for him to mount. He was thinking his Kiowa friend was getting thinner and paler every day, not knowing Buck thought the exact same thing about him. In silence they rode out of the camp, bows and arrows ready, but by nightfall they returned empty-handed as usual.

As Buck stepped into his teepee that night, Smiling Flower didn't even look up. He bit his lip, crouching by her side, taking her hand in his.

"Smiling Flower?" he said with a tremble in is voice he couldn't hide.

"Running Buck, is that you?" the pale woman replied with a thinner voice than usual.

Buck took a few deep breaths, caressing her hand, telling her everything would be okay.

"I'm so tired, I can't stay awake," the woman said, her husband to-be feeling tears in his eyes.

"You'll be stronger tomorrow," he pointed out, laying down beside her, hugging her tiny body against his own.

"No, I won't. Please, get my brother," she begged, knowing her time had come, knew Buck knew too.

"I can't leave you," he breathed, his whole body shaking and just wouldn't stop.

"Please, get him," Smiling Flower pleaded, Buck placing a kiss on her forehead.

"Okay, I'll be right back," he said with an even worse tremble in his voice.

He moved out of the teepee with much efforts, tears welling in his eyes, a desperation and panic rising within him. He called for Silent Arrow outside the warrior's home, hearing how his voice seemed to belong to someone else. Silent Arrow stood outside, realizing by first look of his friend what was happening. Buck bit his lip, staring into the Nakota warrior's eyes before summoning enough strength to head back toward his teepee.

He watched Silent Arrow talk to his sister for a moment, before telling her to sleep. Buck took his friend's place by Smiling Flower's side and held her in his arms. She soon fell asleep, after whispering into his ear,

"I will always be with the two men I love most of all."

The morning that soon followed was the coldest Buck had ever felt. The sun seemed to be frozen to him, as he carried the body of Smiling Flower out of his teepee. She had died in his arms just hours earlier, but he hadn't felt strong enough to leave her in her brother's care until dawn.

He didn't have to say anything, Silent Arrow took her from his embrace with a troubled look on his face. He walked into his teepee, preparing her for the funeral. Buck turned around, trying to keep the tears away, but couldn't. He bit his lip hard, staring into the forest on the other side of the camp. People passed him, but seemed to take no notice of the tears falling from his eyes. His face was just another proof of the horrible destiny they were all facing, and no one had enough strength to care about anyone but their own family at that point. He started to walk toward a nearby stream, knife in hand and face paler than ever before.

When he reached the beach, he sat down and let his right arm rest under water for a few minutes. The stream was cold, but not as cold as his soul felt. He lifted his arm above water again and placed the knife over his right wrist. He wanted to take his life, but moved the knife higher up and cut a deep wound just below the elbow. The tears returned, fell down his cheeks as he continued to cut his arm open, but he knew none of the wounds were deep enough to kill him. Just that last cut through the wrist, blood dripping into the stream together with his tears.

When Silent Arrow found him, he too had wounds on his arms which he refused to let anyone touch, the blood now covering most of his upper body. He first thought his friend was resting against the rock by the beach, but as he came closer he saw all the blood and realized what his friend had done. Rushing to his side, he pulled off the headband he was wearing.

"Running Buck!" he cried, knees buckling by his side.

Buck looked up lazily, eyes dark and blank. He was paler and for what it seemed a lot weaker than before, his breaths small and short. But he was totally calm, again closing his eyes with a smaller sigh.

"Don't do this to me, you're all I have left!" Silent Arrow begged, tying the headband around his friend's wrist as hard as he could.

"No, I don't wanna…" Buck started, passing out from exhaustion.

He woke up inside his own teepee, feverish and weak. A woman he had come to know as Smiling Flower's grandmother sat by his side, mixing together a broth for strength.

"You must drink this," she said, holding the bowl to his mouth.

He drank as much as she asked, then lay back against his buffalo-hide and closed his eyes again. He didn't care about what happened around him, and least of all did he care for all the "hang in theres" and "wake ups". He was slowly but safely drifting as far away as he possibly could, keeping his eyes closed even when he was awake, to avoid a conversation with whoever was there with him. He felt sorry for Silent Arrow, who had lost not only his wife, son and parents but now also his sister. He felt somewhat guilty for what he was doing to him, but at that moment he just wanted to die and wasn't struggling at all to get any better.

Three weeks passed like a breeze, and despite his efforts to get worse, all the resting had left him even stronger than before. He soon had too much energy to remain in his teepee all day, why he decided to take a shorter walk around the camp. His right arm was still bandaged and securely put in a sling, left leg still causing him to limp ever so little. He couldn't find Silent Arrow anywhere, so he walked back to his teepee with a deep sigh.

He took a longer walk the next day, returning to the stream where he had tried to commit suicide before, but this time he wasn't allowed to walk with a knife. It had been taken from him the day he woke up, and wasn't to be returned until he had made peace with his spirit. He sat down by the rock like before, staring out over the water and the beach on the other side.

An eagle soared over him for a moment, startling him in his deeps thoughts. He looked up at it, watched it circling in the air, so free and lonely. It disappeared only seconds later, flying over the hills in the east. Buck decided to return to the Nakota camp, though he would rather spend some time thinking about Smiling Flower in peace.

As he came into the camp again, Smiling Flower's grandmother greeted him silently. She took him by his well arm and led him to Silent Arrow's teepee.

"He just died," she spoke with much emotions in her voice, Buck staring into the air for a brief second.

"What? Silent Arrow's dead?"

"I know you were close, but now he's gone. And so is the rest of my family, I'm the only one left. He wanted me to give you his gray mare, which you will find among the other horses. He said you'd know which one," she said, walking inside.

Buck had no desire to see his friend dead and therefor headed straight for the horses. He found the gray mare he once rode in the big buffalo hunt, stroked her mane for a few moments, losing himself in memories and pain.

Only minutes later he had decided he would pack his things and leave. That same day.

He found it easy to believe he wasn't meant to spend the rest of his life in the Nakota village, but the question remained - where would he go?

At first he didn't care, just headed south and rode for as long as his horse could run. When she got too tired to go on, he simply dismounted and made camp.

A couple of weeks passed, the lonesome Kiowa thinking more and more of his true love and her brother. The memories constantly fell over him, even though he tried to keep them away, they haunted him in his dreams at night and kept his mind occupied all day long. Before he knew it, he was too tired to ride and just wanted to lay down and die. But still a little whispering voice in his head told him he was meant to live, or he wouldn't have been saved time and time again by Silent Arrow. The Nakota brave had acted a little like a guardian angel, but now when he was gone Buck knew he was on his own. He fought those dark thoughts of death, trying to see some joy in life, but after a month he again placed his big knife over his right wrist. He hesitated, but not because he didn't want to do it. He just felt watched.

Looking around he found no one, but still he knew someone was near, watching his every move. He rose, letting the knife back into its sheath. With hesitant steps he moved over to his mount, stroking her mane as he kept looking over his shoulder.

"You better run fast now," he whispered in her ear, seconds before mounting, with a faint cry letting his horse know it was serious.

Three riders came tumbling down the hill behind him, war cries echoing in the air.

CHAPTER 4

Buck tried to outrun the warriors on his tail, but his horse was too tired from all the running she had already done that day. He was soon forced to stop, surrounded by the three Indian braves. They pointed their spears at him, one of them calling something in a language Buck had nearly forgotten - Kiowa.

"Dismount, we mean you no harm!" the leader called.

Buck hesitantly slid off his horse, allowing one of the braves to take the reins.

"Who are you, who rides through our land dressed in hides?" the leader spoke, lowering his weapon in apparent respect for a brother.

"I'm Running Buck. Half-brother of Red Bear," Buck answered, hoping it would lead him somewhere.

The leader silenced, walking closer to the stranger in front of him. Buck's heart pounded in his chest, small pearls of nervous sweat appearing on his forehead. The warrior stood firmly in front of him for a moment, looking over his face. Buck didn't recognize him, stared back with big yet calm eyes. Suddenly the warrior asked something Buck wasn't prepared for.

"Why did you want to end your life, Running Buck?"

Taken aback by the question, Buck tried to come up with a good answer.

"I don't have a reason to go on living," he stated calmly, watching the reaction on the warrior's face.

"Don't you? Don't you fear death, like the darkness it brings?" he asked thoughtfully.

"Death wouldn't bring darkness to me. I don't have a reason to fear it," Buck replied with a honorable nod.

The warrior thought for a moment, gripping his tomahawk behind his back. He brought it up above his head with a loud cry, threatening to slice Buck's head in two. Buck held his breath, realizing he couldn't escape. He wanted to run, but was trapped. He glanced over at the two braves still on their horses, and they looked back calmly.

To his great relief the warrior in front of him lowered the tomahawk and smiled.

"If you don't fear death, why did you flinch, my friend?" he grinned, grabbing Buck's shoulder.

Buck couldn't answer, letting out a deep sigh, feeling almost dizzy for a moment. This warrior was right, he wasn't ready to die yet. Maybe he never fully would be, he thought miserably, glancing up at the warrior's face.

"Who are you?" he asked, trying to calm his galloping heart.

"I am Torn-By-Rage, war chief of the Kiowas. I ask you, Running Buck, to join my tribe - your tribe - and help us find food to survive."

Buck hesitated. Does this mean Red Bear is dead?

"Yes, I will join you. But when I'm ready I will call upon death again," he promised, Torn-By-Rage nodding.

"It is your life to end. But until you do we need your help," he said, handing the reins back over to Buck, allowed him to mount and ride with them.

Buck saw his brother's back, dismounted and followed Torn-by-Rage over there. During the ride to the Kiowa camp - which was much bigger than he had imagined - he had thought of Red Bear, wondering if he was dead or alive. Why wasn't he war chief no more?

"Red Bear," the brave spoke, giving Buck a push in the back to take a step forward.

The older Kiowa turned around slowly, looking into the eyes of his own blood. At first he couldn't believe what he saw, it had just been too long since Running Buck had ever worn buckskin clothing. Or at least what he had seen.

"Running Buck," he breathed, taking a step toward his half-brother with open arms.

Buck tried to show the same affection as his brother did, but his heart was still numb from the loss of his true love. He answered the embrace with saggy arms, a brief smile on his lips. Seeing Red Bear after so long felt at least a bit good, and he also felt his brother was very happy to see him.

"What are you doing here, little brother?" the older man asked, still smiling widely.

"We spotted him by Coyote Rock, he was riding alone," Torn-By-Rage said before Buck could think of an answer.
"He is here to stay."

At those words Red Bear's smile froze and he had to take his brother by the shoulders and stare him deep in the eyes.

"Are you sure, my brother?" he asked seriously.

"Yes."

Red Bear hugged his brother again, even tighter than before.

"Welcome home, my brother," he mumbled, clapping his back.

TWO WEEKS LATER

Buck had been filled in on all things different in the Kiowa camp. Red Bear had allowed another camp of Kiowas to join them, for better luck hunting and a stronger defense against other tribes and the white soldiers. He had therefor taken on the leadership of this new camp, and had given his friend Torn-By-Rage the title of war chief.

Buck had been given a teepee of his own, which he spent most of his time in. He hunted with the Kiowa when the asked him to, but never spoke, just sat quietly on his horse. Red Bear couldn't help but worry about his brother, sensing, knowing, something was wrong. Running Buck wouldn't tell him, however, acted as if everything was okay. He had gotten use to the idea of starting a new life among the Kiowas, or at least until he had collected enough courage to use his knife again. He often looked down on his wrist, wondering why he had been so afraid when Torn-By-Rage had raised his tomahawk at him. He wanted to die, but still he feared dying.

He couldn't sleep at night; tossed and turned, sat up, went for walks, anything to make time pass. Red Bear saw his brother grow darker and darker, exhausted from light work and his back seemed to get shorter for each day. He tried to ask his brother what had happened, why he had come to Kiowa land, why he wore Indian clothes. But Running Buck didn't answer, just shrugged and hid all his feelings and emotions in a dark corner of his troubled and broken heart. Red Bear's feeling was only that that dark corner grew bigger every day, to be able to hide all the pain Running Buck carried.

One early morning Buck decided to sit outside his teepee, for once allowing himself to enjoy the warm midsummer sun. He leaned against a rock covered with a hide, obviously used to sit on. A few feet away he saw a woman prepare a hide to dry. She was good-looking in a quiet way, had a tranquillity about her he couldn't explain. A peaceful smile curled her lips, the sun making her whole body glow.

He frowned as he saw that grin on her face, wondering what she could be smiling about. There was no one else around, and he couldn't see how she could have noticed him coming. He had sneaked like he always did, not wanting to disturb the people sleeping in the surrounding teepees. She was half-turned to him, her dark-brown hair falling to her waist, lifting in a soft summer breeze to again embrace her slim back. At first he wondered about her, wanted to know her. Who was she, what was her name? But he angrily threw those thoughts out of his head, telling himself he wasn't going to fall for a woman ever again. To him existed only Smiling Flower, and so it would stay until the day he joined her in the land behind the sun.

Several mornings Buck found himself staring at the mysterious woman, apparently living as his neighbor. She always had that smile, that peaceful and content look. He sat with his back against the same rock every sunup, watching her doing her morning shores around her home. At times an older woman would join her, and Buck guessed she was the beauty's mother. They would talk with low voices, laugh softly and return to their work. When the rest of the village started to move, the two would take their pots and bowl and start on the breakfast.

Buck often wanted to slap his own cheek and walk back inside his teepee, but he couldn't do it. He had to watch that woman until she disappeared, which usually happened around lunchtime. Where she went he didn't know, and somehow it didn't matter. Just as long as she kept that smile on her face, which he had come to like very much.

Suddenly one morning she was nowhere to be found. He looked around discreetly, trying not to seem too desperate, but she wasn't there. He sighed, waited a little longer.

He stared at her teepee, wishing she'd come out and prepare breakfast, just so he could get to see her for a few minutes. But she didn't show all day, and not the next or the morning after that. It took eight days before she was back, and suddenly a memory came flashing through his head. He had learned early that all women left the camp once a month, to live in a teepee a few miles away for a few days. He knew exactly why, and he couldn't understand why he hadn't remembered sooner. But now she was back, going about her chores outside her teepee. He had to admit he had missed her.

THREE WEEKS LATER

The beauty he had watched from a distance every morning for several weeks time had one day looked his way. She had at first frowned, not understanding why he had to watch just her and no one else, but after a few minutes she realized he wasn't going to do anything, just watch. She accepted it with a hidden smile, continued to stack firewood.

The next morning she couldn't stop herself, but walked over to his teepee.

"May I join you?" she asked, her voice clear and face honest.

Buck realized right away she wasn't embarrassed or uncomfortable in his presence, and he let her lean against the same rock, which she gladly did.

"What's your name?" she asked, turning to him with a very interested look in her eyes.

"Running Buck," he answered, toying with a twig between his fingers.

"Thought so," she said with a nod and yet another mysterious smile.

"Oh?"

"I heard about you, Red Bear says you're his brother."

"What has that got to with 'thought so'?" Buck asked, unable to answer her smile.

"He explained you are a little… to yourself," she grimaced, looking down at the twig he held.

"Maybe."

"I've noticed you looking at me," she said, again grimacing, not a little flattered.

"I had to rest my eyes and you happened to be perfect for the job," he mumbled, hearing her soft chuckle beside him.

"Thank you, I take that as a compliment," she said, rising.
"I must work now, or my mother will have my hide on the wall, instead of that deer's," she smiled, pointing at the dead animal by her teepee.

"I see," Buck said, managing a faint smile.

The woman moved off gracefully, smiling widely. She knew he did too.

CHAPTER 5

Buck went on a hunt the following day, unable to catch as much as a glimpse of his beautiful neighbor. He limped slightly over to his horse, jumping up with more gracefulness than in a long time. His leg was finally beginning to get better, after two long years.

Red Bear rode up beside his brother, asked him to ride in the lead with him. Buck looked with big eyes at his Kiowa brother, honored by such a request.

"Anytime!" he smiled, Red Bear content with seeing his brother a little bit happier.

"I'm glad," he said, placing a firm hand on his brother's arm, looking into his eyes for a moment.

Red Bear had learned to accept that his brother wouldn't tell him why he looked so sad, and in a way it didn't matter. Red Bear knew Running Buck would come around, and he was prepared to wait an eternity for that moment. By asking him to lead the hunt by his side, he knew he had added a spark of happiness in his brother's eyes. That was worth weeks of waiting.

"The let's go," he smiled, leading his bother through the camp.

Many of the warriors looked with both envy and disgust as Buck rode by his brother's side, and one of them raised his spear behind Buck's back. He lowered it seconds later, but he had proved to his Kiowa brothers that he didn't accept no half-white in the lead. Only problem was, Red Bear did.

The hunt lasted many hours, and most of them were tired and starved by the time they came back to their village. Only a few wild rabbits and a couple of deers had been found, and for a good reason it felt the hunt was a failure.

Buck dismounted and limped off to his teepee almost right away, hearing the mumbles behind him as he went. He didn't care what they all thought of him, he had lead the braves to food, even if there wasn't very much of it left. That, he thought, wasn't his fault and they had no right to blame him.

As he was about to enter his home, he stepped on a loose rock which sent him tumbling to the ground. His injured leg wouldn't carry him, and he lay for a moment trying to summon strength.

Suddenly a woman knelt by his side, gripping his shoulders.

"Are you hurt?" se asked, helping him to sit up.

"No, I'm fine," he promised, rubbing his sore leg.

"Aren't you gonna tell me?" the smiling beauty asked, looking at him with curiosity in her eyes.

"Tell what?" he said, rising slowly with her help.

"What happened to your leg. I've watched you limp for weeks now, I'm awfully curious!" she smiled.

"Nothing much happened, I just fell off my horse," he admitted, wondering why he told her that. Everyone else who had asked, he had felt ashamed to tell.

"That must have hurt," she said, brushing off his dusty back.

"Quite," he mumbled.

He looked at her for a moment, badly wanting to touch her, but didn't dare.

"What's your name?" he asked, realizing he hadn't even thought of that before. It hadn't made any difference.

"Sings-In-The-Morning," she smiled shyly, obviously ashamed of her name.

"That's a beautiful name," he said, a smile parting his lips.
"How did you get it?"

"My parents thought I was a bit… loud in the mornings as a child," she admitted, blushing slightly, shuffling her feet.

Buck chuckled softly.

"Really?"

"Mmm-hmm," she smiled, giggling slightly.

"It's still beautiful," he spoke earnestly, pulling aside the flap to his teepee.

"You must be tired after the hunt," she observed, his weary eyes smiling at her.

"A bit, but I just have to rest a little. I'm as good as new in no time," he said, stepping inside.
"Wanna come in?"

Sings-In-The-Morning accepted carefully, taking a step inside the teepee, looking around.

"You live…" she started, unable to finish the sentence.

"I don't have a lot of things, no," he admitted with a shy smile, looking around himself.

He had only a thick hide to sleep on, an extra blanket for cold nights, a fireplace with a stack of branches in the middle and a bow with some arrows, which he now dropped by the door.

"What do you eat? How do you cook without pots?" the woman asked, throwing an eye outside to see if perhaps he kept those things there. But no.

"I… I don't eat a lot, mostly berries and bread."

He saw immediately she was not satisfied with that answer.

"How do you survive on that?!" she spat, smiling widely at him to not seem too upset.

"Oh, I'm okay," he promised, adding that Red Bear sometimes invited him to a meal.

"Still, you need a woman to do your cooking for you," Sings-In-The-Morning said, sitting down on the buffalo hide.

Buck's face fell instantly, and he sat down without a word.

"What did I say now?" she asked, looking up at his sad smile.

"Nothing," he answered lowly, leaning forward to start on a fire.

They talked for awhile, before she had to go and start on the supper for her family.

Buck had now learned many new things about this woman, a woman he knew he had fallen for, but just wanted to forget. Smiling Flower still came in his dreams at night, talking to him, smiling, laughing. But it always ended with her crying, sobbing against his chest. Then she died.

That nigh Buck woke with a scream behind his lips and sweat trickling from his face and neck. He breathed heavily for a time, before he lay back against the curly hide and closed his eyes. He couldn't fall asleep again, though, and lay awake until dawn broke. Then he heard a soft female voice singing outside.

He walked out, rubbing at his face, trying to wake fully. He found Sings-In-The-Morning by her teepee, singing a happy song with words of love and joy. He spent a few moments just watching her, then approached carefully, waiting until she had finished her song before he called her name.

She looked over her shoulder with a smile, stopping up in her work.

"Running Buck!" she greeted happily, approaching him almost laughing.

"What's up with you today?" he asked, her laughter contagious.

"I just felt so good this morning, I had to sing to get it out of me!" she said, returning reluctantly to her broken clay pot. It had to be finished soon, or she wouldn't be able to fix breakfast.

"I heard," he admitted.
"I liked it!"

"Did you?" she asked without turning around, a big smile on her face.

"Yeah, I did. Your parents gave you a suiting name."

"What about your parents? Did they give you a suiting name?" she asked slyly, letting the pot stand on the ground to dry, wiping her hands off on her dress.

"Maybe, but I guess they didn't know I was gonna break one of my legs later in life," he smiled, deciding to keep the fact that his father was white out of the conversation. Even though he knew she for one wouldn't care.

"I thought you didn't have a father," she said slowly, looking up at him cautiously.

"So, you knew?" he muttered, sitting down beside her.

"My father is a good friend of Red Bear. He's told us a lot about you."

"Oh, he has, has he?" Buck sighed.

"From what I gather, he is very proud of his brother. He speaks very well of you," she smiled, looking into his eyes.

"Does he?"

"Uh-huh."

As Buck looked into her deep eyes from such a close distance, the memories of Smiling Flower were far away, and he felt like a different man.

He kissed her carefully, placing a hand behind her head, kissing her deeper.

She broke free as footsteps were heard near them, and she turned to the fire with a rising redness on her cheeks.

"Good morning," Red Bear greeted, nodding at his brother.
"I will need your help today too, my brother."

Buck cleared his throat.

"What's up?"

"The white soldiers are riding across our land. I sense there will be trouble soon."

Buck glanced at Sings-In-The-Morning, who sat with her back turned to them.

"Okay. Are we leaving at once?" he asked.

"No. I must gather enough men to stand a fight first. You were the first I asked," Red Bear said, nodding again.
"I'll let you know when we ride."

He went off, leaving his brother staring at the woman by the fire.

"He… He's gone," he said with a slight smile, moving himself to her side.
"Do you regret it?" he asked after a few moments of thoughtful silence.

It was obvious she wasn't going to comment it unless he confronted her.

"Do you?" she asked back, finally turning to him.

"Not a chance," he promised, kissing her again.

CHAPTER 6

FEBRUARY, 1868

Buck and Sings-In-The-Morning had been seeing each other for several years now, but still none of them had asked the other to marry. Red Bear saw a lot of joy between them, and one day he had decided it was time to confront Running Buck. He chose a moment when the two of them were walking by the stream one sunny morning.

"So, how come my brother isn't married with children yet?" he asked friendly, smiling slightly.

"I don't know," Buck answered shyly, not sure of what to say.
"We just never thought about it."

"Maybe you don't have to?" Red Bear tried, his brother shrugging under the blanket he had wrapped around himself.

"Maybe not, but who are you to speak? How many wives now, three? Four?" Buck teased, Red Bear pushing him brotherly in the back.

"I've married for the sake of the tribe survival," he said matter-of-factly.

"Where have I heard that before…?" Buck continued to joke, Red Bear shaking his head.

Finally it seemed he was content with living, his back straightened, face proud and not as bleak as before. Sings-In-The-Morning had really done him a world of good.

"But are you ever gonna marry this woman you love?" the tribe chief insisted, Buck smiling.

"Maybe sooner than you know," he grinned mysteriously, walking ahead of his brother toward the camp.

Buck looked for and found his beloved in her family's lodge, sowing on a winter coat. He sat down opposite from her, just watching her work. She had to look up after a few moments, smiling shyly, cheeks red.

"Stop that," she cursed, slapping his thigh and tried to return to her work.

"Stop what?" he asked innocently, still looking at her with smiling eyes.

"That you're doing, you know what I mean!" she burst out in laughter, leaving the coat beside her.

"I'm just looking," he smiled back, taking her hand and held it in his.
"This, though, is a little worse," he smiled wistfully and kissed her fingers.

"Stop it and let me work," she spoke, the tone in her voice making it even more of a game to Buck.

"You can work with your other hand," he insisted, placing yet another kiss on her hand.

She sighed deeply, still not intending to pull her hand back.

"My mother will be very mad at you for disturbing me," she promised, Buck smiling widely.

"Oh, I know something that will make her madder," he said, looking down at her slim fingers, rubbing them carefully with his thumb.

"And what's that?" she smiled.

"Will you marry me?"

Sings-In-The-Morning sat stunned. All the time the had been together, he had never mentioned it, or that he wanted a family. She had to smile for a second before finding the words.

"I thought you'd never find the guts to ask," she teased, pulling herself into his embrace.
"Yes, Running Buck, I will marry you. In the spring I will marry you," she smiled into his shoulder, hugging him warmly.

Red Bear found his brother hanging by a tree, a sad look on his face. He seemed to be deep in thought, looking at the ground by his feet, back leaning against the firm trunk.

"Running Buck," his brother called softly from a distance, apparently not reaching the silent brave.

Buck was lost in his memories of Smiling Flower, wondering if he was letting her down by marrying someone else. Knowing the sweet character she was, she would probably say she never wanted to hurt him by dying, that she wanted him to be happy. And indeed he was happy with Sings-In-The-Morning, whom he had unofficially named Morning Bird, as she always sang nowadays when preparing breakfast for her family. She said she did it out of happiness, and the new nickname was very suitable. In fact, she liked it better than her real name.

"Running Buck!" Red Bear called for the fourth time, voice louder now, in his mind wondering if he was actually standing in front of his bother, or if his old eyes were playing games on him.

"Huh?" Buck looked up, startled, still seeing images of Smiling Flower in front of him.

"Is something wrong?" the older man asked with a lot of concern in his voice.

It had been quite awhile since his brother had looked like this, and he didn't want to see him in pain anymore. But something was obviously troubling him.

"No, nothing at all…" Buck answered with a dreaming look upon his face.

"Then what?"

"I'm getting married, that's what," Buck replied lazily, looking up at the sky.

"Really? I'm happy for you, little brother!" Red Bear smiled, patting his brother on the shoulder.

"Yeah, me too. It's just…"

"What? Can I help you with something?"

"No, I'll be fine," Buck promised, smiled at his brother for a brief second, then turned to walk back home.

Red Bear chuckled to himself for a moment, then followed his brother with brisk steps.

Buck realized slowly that though he had never told anyone about Smiling Flower, it seemed everyone around him understood what he had been through, and they never asked what was wrong. As if they already knew. For a time he wondered if he was sleep-talking or something, but no one ever mentioned it. He was content with having it like that, Morning Bird and Red Bear constantly cheering him up whenever he was close to the nightmares in his past.

Red Bear followed him back to the camp, filling him in with all the good things about marrying. Buck just nodded, paid little attention to the older man's words. It didn't matter what he said, Buck knew a new life lay ahead of him, and he would live it with Morning Bird. Now he just needed to find her parents and break them the news. He knew his beloved wouldn't say anything about it until he was there with her, and he just hoped her father wouldn't be mad. He was still a half-white, even if he had spent the last few years forgetting about that. He still missed his white family, the Express riders and, of course, Ike. But he knew he could never have them back, and so he was determined to leave them in his past and move on without them. He would move on with Morning Bird.

"I know I don't own much, but I'm prepared to sacrifice it all for your daughter," he promised, Morning Bird's father looking at him with clear venom in his eyes.

"Do you love her? Until death?" he asked, Buck turning to the silent young woman in the other end of the lodge.

"Yes. I love her beyond death," he spoke earnestly, feeling a sudden warmth as she smiled shyly, turning away with hot cheeks.

"Three men have asked me to give away a daughter, only to have them give birth to children. I have agreed three times, and now I have one daughter left."

Buck listened to the old man's words, remembering what Morning Bird had told him once, a long time ago. She had three older sisters, whom all had married to keep the tribe alive. They never knew love, and probably never would.

"Are you asking me to give up the one child I have left?"

Buck looked nervously at Morning Bird again, at her mother, then at her father.

"I'm not asking you to give her up, I'm just asking you to let me marry her. She can visit you any time of the day, I just want her you be my wife," he spoke carefully, not sure if he was using the right words.

The older man took his time before answering. He looked with thin eyes at Running Buck, the young man whom he had heard so much about. Yes, his daughter loved this young man, and it seemed he loved her, but still he was concerned for her safe future.

"You are not taking her with you to the White man's world?"

"I have no such intentions. She goes where she chooses to go, but I will not return to the White man. I live here now."

"I should trust your answer. But I see in your eyes you don't really mean it. You will return one day, that I know. So I will ask my daughter to answer for me, whether it is a good thing she marries you or not," Morning Bird's father spoke calmly, turning to his daughter.
"Will you marry him and be happy?" he asked her.

Her face lit up, her back straightened and she smiled widely.

"I love him, father. I will be happier than any of my sisters, happier than any woman in this tribe," she said, Buck barely able to keep his composure out of happiness.

It was settled. They were getting married, and by the nod of her father, it was with his blessing.

The next few days Buck was frequently asked to join his new family for a meal, and he accepted with wider and wider smiles. For the first time in very long, he felt complete, even though he and Morning Bird had been complete with each other for several years now. But with her family accepting him for who he was, it felt even better.

One late night he excused himself from their lodge, wrapping a blanket around his shoulders with a collected look on his face. Morning Bird knew he was going for a vision quest, which was a custom for men about to become husbands. She didn't like him going away when there was still a blanket of snow on the ground, and the weather was too cold to sleep under the stars in. She asked him to wait, but the tribe Medicine man, known to his people as Eagle Moon, had specifically asked Running Buck to seek a vision that night. He had no choice but to accept, and do it.

It was a cold, dark-blue, starry sky that welcomed him as he stepped out of the warm lodge, where his new parents and wife to-be laughed and talked and ate. He wished he didn't have to go, but the old man named Eagle Moon nodded firmly to him, from his own home a few yards away. Buck looked the other way, toward the hills. He sighed deeply, but was soon on his way.

He walked for a time, the blanket around him seeming to get thinner and thinner by every minute. Soon he was close to too cold to keep walking, but he knew it would all be for nothing if he stopped. Then there would never be a wedding, for there wouldn't be a groom. He kept struggling upward for yet another half-mile, then stopped and looked around. He saw the village below him, fires burning, horses moving and a few braves walking around. He longed to get back there, though the toughest was yet to come. He had to wait for a vision, and it could take days.

He continued his silent walk, the snow almost up to his knees at times, causing him to stumble headlong and bury his already frozen face in it. His hands were getting mighty cold too, and he had to constantly move his fingers to keep them from freezing totally. A sudden wind blew around him, his red, painful ears causing him to whimper loudly. This could never have been what Eagle Moon wanted, he thought angrily, considering to turn around. But his stubbornness kept him going, and he was determined to make it, at least until dawn.

He reached a pond, which he had to admit he had never known about before, and walking out on its ice he looked up onto the hill where he was supposed to wait for his vision. It wasn't much further now, and he was somewhat proud of himself for actually making it without giving up. As he kept his gaze on the hilltop, he never noticed the dark spot under his feet.

He fell into the freezing cold water, seconds after a loud noise as the ice cracked up beneath him. He first couldn't believe it was true, but he soon had to accept that he was being swallowed alive by a deep, for what it seemed almost bottomless, pond of black water. Water so cold he couldn't move after only a few brief seconds.

CHAPTER 7

Grasping for breath, frozen hands gripping after a hold in the ice, he slowly became aware of his destiny. He didn't know how much water he had swallowed, but his whole body seemed to have the same temperature as the pond, and he wasn't even that cold anymore. His breaths were heavy and deep, kind of slow. His heart galloped, the panic forcing him to keep fighting. Every movement seemed delayed, stiff and just not real. He tried to scream, but the words wouldn't come to him. He tried to stay calm, clasping for something to hold on to. He got a grip of a lump of ice, which was enough to keep him above water, but he didn't possess the strength to pull himself up. Soon the panic settled, and all he could think about was the pain he was causing Morning Bird and her family. He nearly sobbed for a moment, but his survival instincts soon took the better of him, made him pull for all he was worth. Anything to get up.

Morning Bird lay awake, feeling there was something in the air that night. She wished she couldn't feel it, as she wanted to get some sleep. If Running Buck comes back tomorrow I have to be able to stay awake with him until he has told me about his vision, she told herself. It had become a favorite hobby to talk to Running Buck, the man she was about to finally marry, from late night to early morning. Then they had all time for themselves, with no one interrupting, no one asking questions. And you can't talk if you're asleep, she though miserably, closing her eyes again. She lay awake for several more hours, unaware of the horrible situation her beloved was in.

Buck thought the only way to make it out of the water was by removing as much weight as possible. His shirt came off rather easily, and the blanket was kicked with his frozen feet in under the ice, so it wouldn't be in the way. He managed to get rid of one boot as well, and realized that was as much as he could do, now it was to get out of the water or die. He grabbed the small lump of ice with both hands, pulling with a scream until his arms nearly broke - or so it seemed.

He felt his chest scrape against the ice, deep cuts making the water red rather than black, but his teeth remained tightly pressed together and he kept pulling. Until he was half-way up on the ice, breath strained and heavy. He pulled some more, only succeeding a few inches, but it was enough. His legs were stiffly pulled up and placed on secure ice surface, where he lay for a few moments trying to regain some strength. He soon realized he would never regain anything, unless he started back toward the Kiowa camp. He managed to stand stiffly, shaking violently as he tried to walk. It was a long way down the hills, but at least it was just that, downward. It would have been a million times worse to climb upward, he thought, trying to keep the few happy thoughts he could.

He started on a slow walk, and when he came close enough to the first slope, he let his weight forward and started to run. He soon lost balance, started to tumble downward, his aching body hitting rocks and ice, snow and more snow.

He had to lay still for a few moments before actually grasping he was almost down. Total exhaustion was reaching for him, touching him just barely as he stood again and walked toward the lodges in the outskirts of the village.

He was vaguely aware of someone grabbing his shoulders, catching him as he fell, carrying him to his lodge. A warm fire burned by his side, a thick buffalo hide covering his battered body. He knew someone was massaging his feet and hands, rubbing his legs and arms. All he wanted to do was sleep, for the nightmare to be over. But whoever was there with him kept him awake, slapping his cheeks as he closed his tired eyes.

The next few hours he was taken care of with hot broth, blankets and more massage. He never bothered to look at the person nursing him, and when his eyes refused to stay open it didn't matter anymore. He slipped into a fever like slumber, where he was warm and well. The numerous wounds on his whole body were cleaned and bandaged, but he never felt it. Not even the cracked ribs bothered him, as they were tightly wrapped with a cooked piece of breech, that slowly cooled off and stiffened around his body.

When Morning Bird awoke that morning, she was surprised to find Red Bear sitting by her side. He carefully touched her shoulder, making sure she didn't fall back to sleep.

"Running Buck needs you," he said before she could ask.

"What? Why?" she as sat erect, alarmed by the look in Red Bear's eyes.

"I will tell you on the way over to his lodge. Come now."

Red Bear moved over to the entrance, motioning for her to follow at once.

As she entered her beloved's lodge, she found him under several blankets, cuts and bruises all over his face, which was paler than ever.

Red Bear had explained to her what Eagle Moon had been able to get out of Running Buck, and it appeared he had fallen through the ice of a pond. That was all they knew, and all they needed to know.

She sat beside him, stroking his glowing red cheeks. She didn't have to ask if he would be okay, Eagle Moon seemed to read her thoughts.

"He is asleep now. I've kept him warm all night, so now it's up to him. He is fighting, but it will take time," he spoke calmly, walking outside with Red Bear.

Morning Bird sat by Buck's side, soothingly humming a song she knew he liked. She suddenly saw him open his eyes just a little, and smiled widely at him.

"Running Buck, how are you?" she asked, almost whispering.

"Morning Bird?"

"Yes, it's me. Your brother scared me, but you seem to be just fine," she smiled, thinking it was best not to let him know she was worried.

"I do?"

She stroked his hair, continued her song, until he stopped her as he tried to sit up.

"I think you should be taking it easy," she said, but he was already sitting, a lazy smile on his face.

"It's not so bad anymore, now when I'm warm," he said, placing his hand on top of hers.

It was cold, but not icy, and she realized he must feel like on fire. She herself had been frozen at times, even though she had never fallen into a pond, and she knew the feeling of getting warm afterwards. He smiled at her for a long time, just holding her hand. She placed a kiss on his forehead, and was unprepared for his embrace. She giggled for a few moments before he let her go, leaning against his chest with a wide smile on her face.

"Did Red Bear say I was dying or something?" he asked, squeezing her against his side, despite the aching ribs content with having her close.

"Almost. And you sure could have fooled a blind man, looking all dead already!" she accused him with a smile, unable to stay serious.

The two men outside looked at each other. They heard Morning Bird laugh and giggle, which confused them very much. The decided to look inside, and found Running Buck hugging his wife to-be as she smiled against his chest.

"I thought my brother was seriously ill," Red Bear said, a smile forming his lips.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" Buck chuckled, Eagle Moon shaking his head.

"Even if you're not ill, I think it's best you rest. Morning Bird will be here when you wake up," he nodded.

Buck sighed, looking at the woman by his side.

"I'll be here," she promised, brushing some hair out of his face as he lay down.

"Rest now, my brother, and I'll bring you some meat later. The braves were lucky hunting this morning!"

With that Red Bear took Morning Bird's hand and lead her out of the lodge. Eagle Moon stayed until Running Buck had fallen asleep. He watched the half-white young man with calm eyes, trying to figure out what all this had meant. He never received a vision, but still the spirits had told him to go look for one. Maybe that was the vision? he thought with a frown. It couldn't be…? Maybe…

Buck stayed in his lodge for two more days, then went for a walk with Morning Bird to the creek. She made sure he wasn't freezing, one arm around his shoulder so the blanket would stay in place, warming his back.

"You don't have to fuss, you know. Eagle Moon did say I won't get sick, you heard it," he smiled at her concerned face, placing his arm around her waist.

"I still have a feeling…" she started, paused to collect her swirling thoughts.

"I often feel too, but that doesn't make me sick," he smiled, hugging her against his chest, inhaling her scent with a deep breath.

"I trust you, but I just have a feeling," she started again, Buck shaking his head.

"Will you stop, already? I'm fine! I look awful, but I'm fine," he assured, letting go of her, still smiling scornfully.

She jabbed his shoulder with an attempt of an angry look on her face. She broke out in a smile too, pulling his arm.

"If you are so well as you say, you wouldn't mind racing me to the oak over there!" she called, already running.

Buck shook his head, realizing she wasn't joking, started to run after her. He reached the oak seconds after her, and she decided to give him a hard time about it, looking like she had been waiting for hours.

"Aw, come on! You started without me!" he complained, leaning against the tree to catch his breath.

She stood in front of him, looking deep into his eyes.

"What?" he asked with a shy smile.

"Nothing. I just thought I'd say I love you," she smiled, leaning against his chest, placing a kiss on his cheek.

"And believe it or not, I thought of exactly the same thing," he smiled wistfully, hugging her back.

For another week all was well, the snow melting away slowly, making hopeful promises to the soon to be wed couple. By the beginning of March some patches were still white on the ground, but there were also green grass rising around the Kiowa village. Morning Bird seemed happier than ever, almost lovesick in a way, constantly hanging around Buck's neck with a smile. He didn't mind.

One of their new hobbies, or as Red Bear would put it, obsessions, was to race to a given destination. Buck let his beloved win most of the time, just to have the satisfaction of seeing her surprised face those days he really ran his best. But one day he couldn't catch up with her even if he tried, feeling really heavy. She never noticed, however, laughing as she reached his lodge first. He smiled lazily and stepped inside.

She sat beside him by the fire, leaning against his chest.

"Your heart is still running," she commented to his fast pulse, looking up at his stone face.
"What are you staring at?"

"Huh? Nothing, nothing at all," he said, trying to smile.

He was getting sick after all, Eagle Moon had been wrong. His back ached constantly, which he knew meant a lung disease of some sort. He coughed at night, but had so far managed to stay silent in the days. If Morning Bird found out, she would worry about him, which would destroy all the happiness she now carried in her heart all day long. He loved to see her laugh, and thought he wouldn't tell her about his illness. Not yet, anyway, he couldn't bare that. She would stop laughing and just look at him with concern and sadness. No, she wouldn't find out, not if he could help it.

The following mornings became tougher and tougher, fever visiting him at dawn only to go away again by lunchtime. He tried to keep up with his usual daily chores, but sooner rather than later he couldn't bare it anymore.

Red Bear noticed that, sensed his brother was holding something back. What it was he couldn't even begin to ponder, but he decided to confront Running Buck if he started to look even worse.

Morning Bird noticed a slight change in her husband to-be, his eyes weary and his running slow. She asked him about it, but all he did was shrug.

Buck himself was very troubled, wanted to tell at least Red Bear, but couldn't. He would tell Morning Bird and then all would be destroyed.

He awoke one morning with a worse fever than usual, and he was tired from lack of sleep. He had coughed so badly all night he thought the dead must have heard it, but so far all was silent outside. He decided to sleep in, thought he knew Morning Bird was expecting him to come out and watch her work. Like he always did. It took almost two hours before she dared to enter his lodge. She had been calling his name carefully, but there had been no response.

"Running Buck, I think it's time you wake up," she smiled, touching his face with a soft hand.

He looked up in surprise, and her face made him realize there was no secret to worry about anymore. She knew he was sick.

CHAPTER 8

"I can't understand why you didn't tell me!" she spat, rising angrily, pacing around the fireplace.

"I didn't want to make you sad," he said, his voice hoarser than usual.

She sat down again, looking him deep in the eyes.

"Nothing about you can ever make me sad," she spoke earnestly.

Buck closed his eyes, letting his pounding head fall against the ground. The fever was rising, and for the first time in the day he felt like he was going to cough.

"Running Buck, you don't look so bad," she started, looking over his face, making sure she wasn't lying to herself.
"A little pale, is all."

"What's that got to do with anything?" he asked in a murmuring tone, pulling his blanket tighter.

"Maybe it ain't so bad?" she suggested, trying to calm herself and the anger she had just felt.

"Of course it's bad! I took a swim in a freezing pond, what did you expect?" he nearly spat, regretting it immediately, but was unable to do anything about it.

"I at least expected you to tell me the truth!" she cried, realizing it was both insane and impossible to talk any sense into him.

With that she left him alone, rushing out the flap, almost knocking herself over in the process.

Buck looked up his brother that following afternoon, asking if he had seen Morning Bird.

"No, I haven't. Why?" Red Bear asked, concern in his eyes and voice. His brother shrugged.

"Just wondered, is all…" he sighed, clearing his throat for the third time that minute.

"You alright, Running Buck?"

"Why?" Buck asked back, wondering if it was that apparent something was wrong.

"You look… you look sick," Red Bear said directly, taking his brother by the shoulders.

"I'm fine, just have a cold or something, it's nothing…" Buck said, looking the other way.

"Why are you lying to me, Running Buck?" Red Bear asked, shaking his brother carefully, forcing him to meet his eyes.

"I'm not lying, I said I'm fine!" he cried, breaking loose.

Red Bear watched his younger brother rush through a group of women, making one or two of them very upset. Red Bear walked up to them, told them not to be angry. Running Buck disappeared into his lodge, wondering what to do. He was getting worse, and he knew it wasn't a cold, but who could help him? Eagle Moon would only say "I told you so!" and Morning Bird was too upset with him to even care. And now he had lied his brother straight in the face, and didn't even succeed in covering it. He was all alone now.

The days passed slowly, Buck's coughs sharper and more frequent. He ignored the fever now, was more upset about himself and his own lies. Morning Bird had been outside and around his lodge, but never entered it or asked for him. This behavior made Buck even more reluctant to go talk to her. He was almost afraid of her, wondering what she was thinking about him. Therefor it shocked him when she suddenly, on the fifth day since their argument, came inside his lodge, silently sitting herself beside him, where he lay fighting the fever.

"What are you doing here?" he asked in confusion, sitting up with a frown.

"I'm just making sure you're okay," she said with a weak smile, placing a hand on his warm forehead.
"You have a fever," she stated.

"I know," he answered, letting out a sigh.
"I thought you were mad at me…?"

She smiled wider, stroking his shoulder.

"A little, but I'm getting over it."

He dared to smile carefully, looking up at her pretty face with apologetic eyes.

"I'm sorry, I should've told you I wasn't feeling good," he said, placing a hand on her cheek.
"I wanna kiss you, but I'm afraid you'll catch something."

"I've always been strong against diseases, you can kiss all you want," she smiled, almost blushing, leaning down to let her lips meet his.

"I really love you," he murmured sleepily, leaning his head against her shoulder.

She hugged him against her chest, felt his warm breath on her neck.

"I love you too, Running Buck. I'm the one who should be apologizing, for not coming to see you sooner. You're so sick…" she nearly whispered, kissing the top of his head, letting her face be caressed by his hair.

"I'll be alright," he mumbled, allowing himself to sink deep into her embrace.

She stroked his hair until he fell asleep, humming that special song he liked. She stayed in his lodge all night, still hugging him against her own body. He didn't sleep very soundly, stirred often, then slumbered for awhile again. Morning Bird hushed him carefully, not giving him a reason to wake up. She knew he needed to sleep, though wished she knew how badly.

She decided to go see Eagle Moon the following morning, would ask him to examine Running Buck. She knew the old Medicine man was very concerned, but had been busy with other members of the tribe, as this was an exceptionally cold winter, and many were sick or injured. Also, there wasn't too much to eat before spring, which made even more of the Kiowas sick. But Morning Bird's worry was all for her husband to-be Running Buck.

When the morning finally came, Morning Bird still hadn't slept at all. Running Buck was now resting his head in her lap, the thick hide he used to sleep on wrapped around him. She stroked his forehead, stating the fever was higher than before.

His eyes opened slowly, looking up at her, smiling drowsily.

"You look awful," he said, teasing her into a tired smile.

"Look who's talking," she shot back, surprised when he rolled out of her embrace and sat up.
"You should rest some," she pleaded, still not satisfied with the little sleep he had had during the night.

"You too," he said hoarsely, swallowing with a painful grin.

"Does it hurt bad?" she had to ask.

"Don't worry about it, get some sleep," he said, making space beside himself.

She hesitantly lay down, admitting to herself she was actually very tired. Buck lay beside her, carefully brushing some hair out of her face.

"It's my turn now," he whispered with a smirk, kissing her cheek briefly.

Soon they were both asleep, hugging each other loosely.

Morning Bird didn't wake up until Red Bear called for her attention from outside, several hours later.

"What is it?" she asked back, standing outside, throwing a fast glance at Running Buck, stated he was sleeping fitfully.

"Eagle Moon wants to see you, right away," the older man said, also looking inside at his sleeping brother, then let the flap down.
"How is he doing?"

"Not very good, and he won't admit it," she said bitterly, turning to the left, where the old Medicine man lived.

"Sounds like my brother," Red Bear chuckled, Morning Bird unable to see any amusement in it.

She entered Eagle Moon's lodge with a careful greeting. The old man looked up from the bowl he was holding with both hands.

"Ah, it's you," he smiled, placing the bowl in the middle of the fire in front of him.

Morning Bird looked at him wryly, wondering why he did that.

"It's a sacrifice to the Spirits, not food," he said with a calm nod.

Morning Bird sat down opposite to the older man, rubbing her eyes from the sleep.

"Tired?" Eagle Moon asked, stirring some herbs into a new bowl.
"This is food," he added with a smile.

Morning Bird smiled lazily, looking down at her hands.

"I haven't slept much, not with Running Buck sick," she said, the Medicine man nodding.
"I don't know what's wrong with him, I was going to see you later today."

"The Spirits told me Running Buck is ill. They told me he is stubborn. He will have to fight hard to gain strength, but the Spirits says he can do it. I will see him later, but right now I must speak to you, Sings-In-The-Morning."

She listened to the old man, cautious eyes searching for his. He calmly met her stare, then lifted his gaze above the flames, seemed to look at an imagined spot in the smoky air.

"The Great Spirit told me, and listen carefully, that it is you, Sings-In-The-Morning, who should seek a vision this time, and ask the Human Creator why he has led you to Running Buck. Maybe you will get an answer, maybe you will return empty handed, but it is important you ask. One day you will have to rely on the possible answer, when Running Buck is not here to protect you."

"Why would he go away?" she asked, startled by the older man's words.

"It will happen one day, the Spirits told me so."

"The Spirits told you Running Buck should seek a vision, and when he returned he nearly died. And now he is sick, just because he went to seek a vision, like you told him. Why are the Spirits doing this?"

"I see fright in those eyes of yours, and I can't take it away. But the Spirits don't lie. I have thought of the vision Running Buck received, and the answer is simple," Eagle Moon started, pausing only to look for the right words.

"What vision?" she cried in surprise.

"Hold on, I will tell you all about it," Eagle Moon smiled.

CHAPTER 9

Morning Bird looked at the old Medicine man with curious eyes. She had thought Running Buck never received a vision, and now Eagle Moon was saying he did. It made no sense to her.

"What did he see? Why are you saying he will go away?" she probed, sharp eyes narrowing as the frustration took the better of her for a moment.

"He didn't see anything, and the Spirits say he will go away, not me," the old man smiled a mysterious smile, which only added to her eager to know more.

"What do you mean? I don't understand!"

"Running Buck didn't see his vision, he lived it," Eagle Moon explained, the frown on Morning Bird's face all but decreasing.
"The Spirits mean to tell you that your life together will suffer some pretty hard times, but you will make it if you fight. Running Buck proved that."

"But why shall I go seek a vision? I didn't think women were allowed to do that…" she sighed, looking down at her hands again, trying to understand what was asked of her.

"Because you need an answer, to what you should do the day your husband is far away and unable to keep you from harm. The Spirits can't tell me why, just that Running Buck will have to leave you one day," Eagle Moon spoke.

"Will he return?" she asked, almost unwilling to hear the answer.

"Maybe that will be in your vision…" the old man smirked, rising suddenly.
"Come."

She had followed the Medicine man for almost an hour, when they suddenly came to a stop. It was a beautiful spot, beside a small pond with a miniature waterfall, with melted snow from the hills above their heads. The sun was warmer than usual for the month, and the blanket she had carried over her shoulders seemed almost unnecessary.

"The spirits tell you to sit here, and look out for anything that moves."

"When do I return?" she asked, having never been on a vision quest before, knew only what the men had told her very briefly once or twice in her youth.

"You will know when," Eagle Moon smiled warmly, turning back toward the village.

"How do I know?" she called after him, but he wasn't listening.

She sighed, sat down on a fallen tree trunk, watching the pond. Some birds flew over her, but none of them seemed any different from birds in general, and the whole idea of a vision ever coming to her seemed crazy. She wanted to turn back, to see how Running Buck was doing. But she thought she shouldn't mess with whatever the Spirits wanted, so she sat silent, still looking out over the calm water.

By nightfall Red Bear was sitting by his brother's side, watching him sleep restlessly. His fever had climbed even higher than before, had made him too tired to stay awake. Now he was shaking with cold under the thick blankets and hides, despite his brother's efforts to warm him. There was a big fire burning right by his side, which Red Bear kept feeding with new branches, and a bowl of steaming broth in the chief's hand. Buck hadn't had the appetite to drink it, but his brother had forced some down his throat.

Red Bear knew how this illness ended. He had seen it before, and knew well that this could be Running Buck's last night alive. He wondered where Morning Bird had gone, knew his brother needed her, but didn't dare to leave his side to look for her. He again tried to make his brother drink some of the nourishing broth, but Buck was too far away to understand what was going on. In his deep, dreamless sleep he fought Red Bear's strong arms, trying to break away. His brother eventually gave up, touched Buck's forehead.

He sat for awhile looking at Running Buck's face. His skin was paler than ever before, dark shadows under and around his eyes showing how malnourished and sick he really was. He looked much skinnier too, his cheekbones more apparent than before. Red Bear knew he was weak and probably wouldn't pull through, but still he kept probing he would swallow some of the broth. Without being successful.

Morning Bird paced around the pond, shivering with cold, the blanket wrapped hard around her slim body. She had seen nothing but a few birds all day. It was getting mighty boring and the last few hours she had been freezing, which didn't make the time by the pond much better.

She had heard men were out on vision quests for four days, some of them returning with as many questions as when they went out, and they had all fasted for several days. She had not, but she still remembered Eagle Moon's promise, that she would know when to return home. She hoped that time would come soon.

The longer she stayed at the pond, the more intense her longing for Running Buck's embrace. She wished she could be with him, see how he was doing, hear him speak to her. Any word in any language would be enough to comfort her, as long as it was her husband to-be who said it. She sank down on the tree trunk again, feeling tears rise to her eyes. Silently she cried for Running Buck, wishing she could be with him, to hold him when he was so sick. She just wished he would still be there when she got back, in whatever state. As long as he wasn't dead.

Eagle Moon awoke Red Bear carefully, moving as silently as he had entered the lodge to sit by Running Buck's side. He pulled out a wooden bowl from under his shirt, and a smaller pouch of herbs. He began chanting, the tribal chief looking on with hope in his eyes. Running Buck was still tossing and turning in his troubled sleep, gripping the hide he lay on at times, as if he wanted to sit up but couldn't. He had kicked the blankets off several times during the night, trembling so badly with cold Red Bear had definitely thought that was it.

Eagle Moon's eyes closed, the chanting turning into a prayer. He poured the herbs into the bowl he had brought, his eyes still closed as he held the bowl up above the flames of the fire, pronouncing words unknown to Red Bear. As the prayer came to an end, the herbs were poured into the remains of the broth Red Bear had made, and once again Buck was forced to drink.

There was a strange sound coming from his chest as he breathed, almost as if he couldn't get enough air into his lunges.

"Hold him up," Eagle Moon ordered, Red Bear carefully taking his brother's head in his hands.
"No, hold him up so he can breathe," the older man said, helping the struggling Buck to sit up, leaning against Red Bear's chest.

At first Buck was fighting the arms holding him, in his semi-conscious state feeling dizzy and unbalanced. He tried to scream, but his throat felt like a big open wound, which kept him silent. He soon calmed himself, leaning against his brother's body, trusting him to keep him up if he fell asleep again.

As the two older men made him drink the warm broth, Buck's throat hurt so bad he couldn't keep himself from it any longer - he screamed. His eyes opened and he struggled to lay down. His breathing was strained, but he had to admit it was easier to get enough air sitting up. He tried to get away from Red Bear's chest, wanted to lay down and rest, to get rid of the dizziness. But his brother held him firmly, Eagle Moon pronouncing yet another prayer, a big feather wiping at Buck's forehead and face.

"Stop struggling, Running Buck, save your strength to fight the sickness," Red Bear pleaded, loosening his grip somewhat, hoping it would make his brother calm down a bit.

He was right.

Morning Bird had dozed off without intention, waking with a start as the sound of a squirrel reached her ears. It was pitch dark around her, but ever since she was a little girl she had learned what different animals sounded like. This was undoubtedly a squirrel.

She focused her tired eyes in the direction of the low noises the small creature made by the trees, in a few minutes able to see its body against the white snow. It was busy with some dark spots around it. Nuts.

She rose slowly, to revive her ice cold body and started to pace, carefully so to not startle the squirrel.

The animal knew she was there, but continued to eat at the nut he was holding, trying to break through it and get to the real delicacy inside. Giving up eventually, he collected as many nuts as he could and ran up the tree. Morning bird looked on with great interest, not thinking about her vision quest for one second.

Until it hit her, square in the face.

Squirrels always return to the place where they have hid their nuts, she thought. They always know where they are, no matter what some people think, and they always return to pick them up, sooner or later.

She thought about it for a moment, not knowing if this was the vision she had been sent out to find, or if it was just wishful thinking. It made sense, nonetheless. She decided to return to the village, hoping Eagle Moon would not be mad at her for being out a so short time.

"You are right, the squirrel always return. I think you have found your vision, and the Spirits are satisfied," the old man spoke, his words sounding like music to her ears.

"You mean this all makes sense, to you too?" she felt she had to ask.

"Yes," the man nodded with a proud smile.
"Even though Running Buck will have to leave you one day, you know now he will always return to your side. Where he belongs!"

Morning Bird was running toward Running Buck's lodge. The sun was almost above the horizon now, the sky pinkish with the promise of a beautiful but cold day. She entered the warm lodge with a trembling body, not sure of what she would find.

Red Bear looked up with weary eyes at the woman in the door, smiling lazily at her. She turned her gaze toward Running Buck, after greeting the chief with a nod.

He lay on his back, only one blanket covering his before so sick body. The sight of his chest slowly heaving up and down, made her sink to her knees in relief. She brushed some dark hair out of his face, amazed by the cool sensation as she touched his forehead.

"He is much better, thanks to Eagle Moon," Red Bear said, his voice revealing how tired he was.

Morning Bird was tired also, but after seeing her beloved had recovered made her stomach full of butterflies. Everything will be alright! she thought.

CHAPTER 10

Buck looked into Morning Bird's calm eyes as he awoke, smiling lazily, feeling her soft hand touch his forehead.

"No fever," she stated, smiling.

"I feel much better," he croaked, his throat still sore.

"I know, but you still need to rest. Eagle Moon said you can't leave the lodge until all the snow is gone."

"That's some grounding!" Buck frowned, sitting up with some effort.

"Yes, but I will be here to keep you company," she promised.

Buck took her into his stiff embrace, his exhausted body functioning just by chance. She leaned against his chest, closing her eyes.

"Red Bear told me how close they were of losing you," she mumbled.

"Oh yeah? I'm feeling fine," he lied, knowing by the look in her eyes how much she needed to hear that, truth or not.

She answered by gripping his bare shoulder, hugging him back.

They sat like that for some time, drawing affection and strength from the other. For a moment Buck thought Morning Bird had fallen asleep against his chest, but just then she lifted her head and looked into his eyes.

"I must make breakfast for my family. I will be back."

Before she could pull away and rise, Buck carefully grabbed the back of her head, kissing her lips carefully.

"You look tired," he mumbled against her neck, not wanting to let her go.

"I was out last night, but I will tell you about that later. I must make breakfast for my family now," she said casually, kissing his cheek before rising.
"You look much better now," she smiled before exiting the lodge, casting an eye at his blushing hot cheeks.

"Be back soon," he pleaded, receiving a nod before the door closed.

Several weeks passed before the weather changed. Still there was snow on the ground, but the sun showed itself more often, and seemed to be getting warmer. Morning Bird was on her way from Eagle Moon to Running Buck's lodge, to bring him the good news.

"Soon you'll be out of here, Running Buck," she smiled.

Buck had grown very lazy, but also restless, being forced to stay inside. He slept more than ever, regaining his strength and true color, but often he awoke in the middle of the night, unable to fall back to sleep. It felt as if he had slept three lifetimes already.

"Oh? How many times haven't I heard you say that before…" he sighed, toying with the wooden spoon he had used to eat dinner with moments ago.

"This time it's really true. Eagle Moon said so. He said he would be here later, to talk with you about something. He said you knew what…?"

"I do."

"Then, what is it?" she probed curiously, removing the thick blanket from her shoulders and the wet moccasins from her feet.

"I want to start learning medicine," Buck said to her great surprise, as she sat down beside him.

"Really?"

"Yes. After we're wed," he started, taking her hand in his, smiling into her eyes.
"After we're wed I don't want to fight with the warriors anymore. I don't want to cause you that…"

"Cause me what?" she asked, intertwining her fingers with his, lifting his hand and kissed it.

"I don't want you to hear one day that I died out there…"

"You are so sweet, Running Buck, but the warriors need you. Don't they?"

"I've spoken to Red Bear, he says the tribe is in more need of a Medicine man, who will take over after Eagle Moon. He said it's okay if I want to be that new Medicine man."

Morning Bird looked into his eyes, reading the thoughts he hadn't yet spoken.

"If that's what you want, I won't stop you. I know you'd make a perfect Medicine man," she smiled.

"Not a perfect maybe, but I wanna learn as much as I can. Eagle Moon says he wants to teach me."

"Then why are you asking me for permission?" she smiled, reaching up to place a kiss on his lips.

He kissed her back, a sudden desire to do more striking him. He pulled back, embarrassed over his own feelings looking down on his hands.

"What is it?" she asked worriedly.
"What did I do?"

"It's no you, Morning Bird, it's me," he assured her.

"Then what is it?" she asked, concern radiating from her beautiful face, her hand stroking his cheek.

"Nothing," he murmured, afraid to face her, but her hand cupped his chin and she looked straight into his eyes.

Her lips touched his for what it seemed an enchanted moment, her hands carefully going through his long hair.

"I want to, Running Buck," she said, her words barely reaching his ear before he let his hands touch her shoulders.

"You sure?" he asked, kissing her again.

She nodded, a careful smile appearing on her face.

"It's been a long time," she whispered into his ear, pressing herself against him, desperate to feel his warmth.

"For me too," he stuttered out, still uncertain if this was the right thing to do.

"Then what are you waiting for?" she asked huskily, her lips touching his ear, her warm breath tickling his skin.

His hands were still not convinced, moved stiffly and very hesitantly down her back. It wasn't until her hands forced his shirt off, that he realized she had been waiting just as impatiently for this as he had. She touched his chest with trembling hands, kissing his lips passionately. She was surprised he wasn't more eager than he was, but could see in his eyes he was mainly surprised still. After all, this had not been her idea from the start.

Buck fell back against the hides he slept on at night, Morning Bird still caressing his chest with careful hands, moving her head to kiss his neck. He heard himself moan deeply, his hands finally finding the knots her dress was tied together with. He started to undress her, forcing away all doubts, as if there were no moments after this, just living in the now.

Rolling over and ending up on top of her, he looked into her eyes. The light from the warm fire reflected in those black pearls of hers, a light loudly screaming her desire for him. She nodded ever so slightly, allowing him to touch her, move even closer. He buried his face in her neck, his lips moving along her collarbone to her shoulder, then lower. Her moan told him it was right, could never be wrong. He felt her hands on his back, touching every muscle. Her hands moved up and were in an instant tangling his hair.

One last time Buck looked into her eyes, to see if there were any doubts in them, if she wanted it all to end right there and then. He found only what he knew is own eyes were radiating - lust and desire. He smiled briefly, placing his lips on her neck once again.

Eagle Moon entered at Running Buck's affirmation that it was okay. Darkness had fallen over the Kiowa village, and a sudden wind had started to blow hard around it. A storm was coming.

"Oh," Eagle Moon let out as he saw Morning Bird laying by the fire, covered by merely a blanket.

Buck sat dressed in his trousers on the opposite side of the flames, smiling slightly as his cheeks grew red. As long as Red Bear doesn't come in here…

"I thought we could talk, but maybe you have made other plans…?" the old man spoke, eyes darting between the two.

"Uh, no, no… I want to talk," Buck said, half-turning his back at Morning Bird and invited Eagle Moon to sit down by the fire.

Morning Bird listened as the old Medicine man spoke, revealing secrets and recipes, Running Buck nodding occasionally, trying to remember all of it. Or at least some.

Eagle Moon spoke of what kind of herbs and plants were good for different diseases and injuries, and was very pleased that his new pupil wasn't bored by it all. His interest burned in his eyes, and the more he learned, the stronger the fire.

Soon it was getting late, and the old man excused himself.

"There'll be a storm over us tonight. Next time I will tell you what the Spirits want when they make this kind of weather," he said with a nod and a kind smile.

"What kind of winds are blowing tonight?" Buck asked, Morning Bird somewhat surprised over the unusual question. It was obvious he wanted to learn about the Spirits, and that he already knew more than most warriors his age.

"The Great North, and it will be mighty cold. you may want to sleep close tonight," Eagle Moon said with a wink at Morning Bird, causing both her and Buck to blush.
"Now, wish me luck, I'm going out there!"

Seconds later he was out the door, the cold wind blowing hard until the lodge was securely locked again. Buck moved over to Morning Bird, laying down beside her.

"You heard the man," he said huskily.

"It is kind of cold, would you warm me?" Morning Bird said, holding back the chuckle deep in her throat.

"Thought you'd never ask," he smiled, crawling down beside her under the blanket, hugging her frail body affectionately.
"I'll have to get sick more often," he chuckled, Morning Bird laughing loudly.

"You wouldn't dare!" she scolded, calming herself enough to kiss him deeply.

"I love you, you know," he said, kissing her back.

"Yeah… I do know," she smiled, hugging him closer against her body.

(Author's note: Chapter 11 disappeared while I was changing the files, and until I can find time to rewrite it, please e-mail me if there is something you don't understand in chapter 12!)

CHAPTER 12

He searched his mind for the right thing to answer, but could think of nothing.

"All the men give away horses to the family of his true love, and if I had more than one it would be yours too. I don't have more," he spoke earnestly, again throwing an eye at the calm little mare by his side.

"I'm aware of that. I thought by the time you asked for my daughter's hand in marriage, that you would fight well and earn more ponies. But you didn't."

"I've never liked to fight. I'm learning medicine."

Suddenly the look on Standing Elk's face changed. He studied Running Buck for a moment, then opened his mouth again.

"The tribe could use a reliable Medicine man, to take over after Eagle Moon," he said, Buck nodding hesitantly.
"If he has chosen you to learn from him, then you must be reliable. Eagle Moon is a good man, and I trust his judgement. If he has recognized you as a reliable Medicine man, then I will do the same."

Buck's head was filled with questions and swirling thoughts, but he simply nodded, unsure of where the conversation had led.

"You may marry my daughter, because I know she loves you. But the horse remains in your care."

He threw a last eye at the animal and nodded firmly. Before Buck could ask him what he meant, he had turned and walked into his teepee.

Morning Bird was just returning from the nearby creek with water, when she saw Running Buck standing by the horses.

The other women wanted her to come with them, said she could see him after they were married, but the absent look on Buck's face made her leave the water behind and walk over to him.

"You're not regretting this, are you?" she asked with a worried look in her eyes, stroking the grey horse's neck.

"Of course not!" Buck spat, smiling wildly at her, then returned to his deep thoughts.

"Then what's troubling you?"

"I was giving this horse to your father, but he told me to keep her. I don't understand, she's a fine horse!"

"Yes, she is," Morning Bird smiled, the calmness in her eyes telling Buck there was something he had missed.
"I think my father wants you to keep her, because you won't be earning any horses in battle. He already has horses, several of them, but you only have her. He can always trade for horses, or earn them in a fight, but you will only have her. At least until the tribe starts giving you gifts to make the Spirits generous on them!" she laughed, bringing a smile upon Buck's face.

"You sure?"

"I see no other reason for him to reject her. She really is the prettiest horse in the flock!" she smiled, again patting her neck.

"She means a lot to me, but it feels like I've given your family nothing. I've just taken you away from them, leaving them nothing in return."

"I don't think they care about that. My sisters aren't very happy with their husbands, but both you and I know that we will have a much better marriage. Right?" she smiled, placing a kiss on his lips.

"Right," he smiled back.

"Then my family will be happy for me. And you. For us."

Buck smiled, but before he could reply, Red Bear appeared behind Morning Bird.

"Can I borrow my brother for a moment?" he asked with a wry face.

"Sure, I have to get ready for the ceremony anyway," she smiled, kissing Buck one last time, then disappeared through the flock of horses.

"So, are you nervous yet?" Red Bear asked, Buck tossing a twig at him, turning away in embarrassment.
"Come with me, I want to show you something."

Buck followed his brother through the flock, until he stopped a few yards away. Red Bear patted a calm mare, then pushed her away to show his brother another horse, which was both bigger and stronger than the other members of the flock.

"This is Strong Wind. She used to be a Cheyenne message horse, who always found her way home, with or without rider. Until the Pawnee tribe caught her and brought her to their village. When I was trading with the Pawnees last season, for horses and meat, I recognized her. I had to trade many hides and beads for her, but she's been mine since. Until today."

Buck listened with keen ears, trying to shut his nervousness for the wedding out of his mind.

"Today, dear brother, she is yours," Red Bear continued, Buck looking up with a shocked expression on his face.

"Mine? You're giving her to me?"

"Yes. I know she will like you, and I think you deserve her," Red Bear smiled, Buck still staring at him wide-eyed.

"You're not serious!" he stuttered.

"Yes, my brother, I am very serious. She will carry you wherever you turn her, and always take you back home safely. She is worth a lot, so take good care of her."

Buck shook his head, still too stunned and shocked to speak.

"Now you're a rich man, my brother. You own two ponies instead of one."

With that the chief turned and walked back to the teepees, smiling contently, knowing his brother had just received the best gift ever.

When Buck came back to his teepee, he was still holding his grey mare by his hand. He was about to hitch her outside his home, when laughter reached his ears. Morning Bird's light laughter.

He walked over to her teepee, peeked inside. She was sitting there with an older puppy in her lap, which was jumping around, trying to catch her hands in his mouth, making her almost keel over with laughter.

"Running Buck! Look what my father gave us!" she laughed, rising with the puppy in her arms.
"He told me this would make a perfect guardian for me when you're not around. Not that I understand where you'd ever go, but that's what he said. I've named him Little Bark. He sounds so silly when he tried to scare me!" she laughed so hard tears were falling down her cheeks, Buck feeling how contagious her happiness was.

"I've brought you a gift too," he managed to squeeze out, scratching the puppy behind his ear.

"Me?"

"Yes, come," he said, pulling her arm.

He brought her over to the grey mare, telling her what he had received from Red Bear for his wedding.

"So, now I have two horses and you none. I want you to have this one," he said, handing her the rope end attached to the mare.

"I know how much you love her, how could I ever accept her?" she asked, letting the puppy down to stroke the mare's soft coat.

"I'm giving her to you just because I love her so much. It's the only way I can show you what I feel for you," he smiled, cupping her face in his hands, kissing her lips tenderly.

"I will take good care of her, I promise," she assured, turning to the mare again.
"This has been the best day in my life," she nearly whispered.

"It's not over yet," Buck smiled, just as Morning Bird's mother came out of her home, calling for her daughter to come inside.

"I have to get ready for the ceremony now. You too," she said, letting her eyes rest on his face for a moment, then turned around and met her mother.

"I'll see you soon," he said, waiting for her to disappear before he walked inside his own teepee.

As Buck stepped outside again, with Red Bear right behind him, the change in the camp almost shocked him. He had received Red Bear's finest buckskin shirt - an almost white piece of clothing with beaded patterns all over the back and front - which his older brother had worn for many important ceremonies. Now he wanted Running Buck to wear it for his wedding.

The women greeted both brothers with wide smiles and waving hands, as they walked down a street that had been covered with flowers, leading from Buck's teepee to the center of the village. Buck felt the knot in his stomach tighten, cold sweat on his face. In the middle of their walk, a woman stepped out in front of them and tied a headband around Buck's forehead. The woman was Morning Bird's oldest sister, Buck recognized, but they had never really met before. She smiled and returned to her family, waiting patiently for their youngest daughter to emerge from the teepee where she had been taken to get dressed up.

Buck's hair had been braided with three yellow stripes of an expensive fabric, which he recognized as satin. The color was supposed to stand for joy and happiness on this special day, but so far Buck just felt sick. He wanted to turn back and stay in his teepee for the rest of the day, but Red Bear nudged him forward, a wide smile shining on his face. Soon they reached the place for the ceremony.

Eagle Moon smiled at the nervous groom as he placed a calming hand on his shoulder. Just then the flap to the bride's teepee was pulled aside, the bright sunlight falling on a woman in a white buckskin dress, long fringes hanging down the arms and sides, anonymous beaded patterns here and there. Morning Bird smiled nervously as her mother came out beside her, taking her to her father. Standing Elk proudly walked his daughter to her beloved's side, giving them both a firm approving nod, then waited until their hands were clasped together and the real ceremony could begin.

THE EPILOGUE

Buck lay on his elbow beside his wife, stroking the soft skin of her shoulder, listening to the sounds of her sleeping. Her light and steady breath, her calm heartbeat, an occasional moan as she was evidently dreaming something very nice. He placed his lips on her shoulder and started a trail of kisses toward her neck. In her sleep Morning Bird stirred slightly and moaned pleasantly again. Buck smiled to himself, exhaling deeply and lay back down.

He stared up through the hole where the poles that made the teepee stand came together, amazed that the sky was so bright. The moon was almost full, and the coming summer held the night almost as warm as the day. Though he had been laying like this many nights, with Morning Bird beside him, this night was very special. Not only was he married, finally, but also was he experiencing a feeling of safety and secure. For the first time since he rode for the Pony Express, he could feel like he belonged somewhere, with people that loved him all around him. Sure, there were still many in the tribe who never would fully accept him as one of them, but the ones who did mattered the most.

Smiling contently to himself, he rolled over on his side and enfolded his wife in his arms, kissing her shoulder one more time before closing his eyes.

In the dream that invaded his mind, he saw Smiling Flower. She had been there before, telling him how happy she was for him, but this night she said nothing. Just smiled and walked away. She turned on her way and looked at him one more time. Then she turned to her left and seemed to want him to do the same. He did, and there he saw Morning Bird, sleeping in the high green grass, the warm night whispering a tale of two lovers that would be together forever. When he turned back to Smiling Flower, she smiled again and was once more on her way somewhere, disappearing into a lush forest.

In his sleep Buck knew that he would awake with a full heart, for the first time in many years. Smiling Flower had moved on, and would never come back, though his memory of her would never fade. Though sleeping deeply he knew all that, and perhaps that was the reason for the peaceful smile that appeared on his face…