-By Em-

Copyright 1999

CHAPTER 1

Telegraph poles quickly sprang up all over the territory, connecting the entire country. As a result, the Pony Express was dissolved. Two months to the day after Lou and Kid's wedding, the riders suddenly found themselves unemployed. Faced with the need to make a living, the once-tight group of friends that had lived and died for one another began to make plans for their futures. Cody was the first to leave when he joined the Army, much to Buck's dismay. Buck still had a deep-seated distrust of the military, no matter how well-intentioned they believed themselves. And the coming war only added to his mistrust. He had already seen how the war had torn apart his "family."

The newlyweds left shortly thereafter. They didn't move far; they bought a small ranch in the next town. Rock Creek was suddenly too small because of the tensions caused by the upcoming war. Jimmy headed off to St. Louis, lured by the excitement of the big city and the promise of a lucrative job. That left only Rachel, Teaspoon and Buck in Rock Creek.

Everyone promised to stay in touch. But as careers and families grew and the war intensified, that promise became more distant.

Buck stayed on as Teaspoon's deputy. He had won a grudging respect from the town. But Buck knew that, deep in their hearts, the townspeople would always see him as inferior; he was less than white. As a half-brred, Buck had no real rights in the white man's world. There were no laws to protect him from robbery, assault, or even murder. While the country fought for the rights of black slaves in the South, no one fought for those same rights of the country's native people. The irony was not lost on Buck.

Still, he did his best to make a life in Rock Creek. He and Teaspoon lived in the bunkhouse while Rachel played mother to them both. It was a pleasant, if uneventful, life.

One evening late in May as Buck was returning from Fort Campbell after delivering a prisoner, he spotted a gray wolf directly in his path. He found it odd that his horse didn't spook at the sight of a wolf in such close proximity. The wolf, Buck noticed, was frolicking in the setting sun seemingly oblivious to it's audience. As Buck watched, transfixed, the wolf slowly turned toward him and -- smiled? Buck could have sworn the wolf had grinned directly at him, but he knew that was impossible. The wolf suddenly disappeared through the trees, and Buck, after several long moments, continued on his journey. He was uncertain whether or not he had actually seen the wolf since his horse did not react. Perhaps Buck had eaten another batch of bad meat, like he had once before, and was hallucinating. He hurried back to Rock Creek to see is anyone else had fallen ill. By the time he arrived, however, he felt absolutely fine and decided not to mention the incident to Rachel or Teaspoon. He didn't want anyone fussing over him. The whole thing seemed foolish now.

CHAPTER 2

A new family had moved into town in early spring. The Macleod's immigrated from Scotland and had eventually ended up in Rock Creek. Peter Macleod was a jolly, good-natured, God-fearing man. He was quickly accepted by the community, despite the fact that he was a foreigner with a funny accent.

His oldest daughter, Elizabeth, had caught the eye of every eligible (and ineligible) man in town. Her long red hair and charming smile soon had every bachelor lining up to court her. She had even caught the attention of Buck, who quickly decided he would have no chance with a pretty lass like her.

As the days grew longer and hotter and the war drew closer, tensions in the town mounted. While the war was far away, it still managed to divide many of the citizens. Teaspoon and Buck had their hands full that summer, quieting tempers and ending feuds. Although no major battles had erupted, the two were constantly busy and often went home exhausted.

By the time Independence Day neared, however, anxiety had eased somewhat. That was partially due to the fact that news of the war was slow reaching Rock Creek as the fighting increased. Buck was enjoying a quiet afternoon, hoping to catch a warm breeze as he leaned his chair against the front of the office. He was about to doze off when he suddenly sensed someone staring at him. He looked up to see Elizabeth Macleod standing beside him smiling.

"Afternoon, Miss Macleod," Buck said, as he tipped his hat and stood up.

"Afternoon, Buck," she answered in her Scottish brogue.

There was an awkward silence, as Elizabeth waited for Buck to continue the conversation. After a long pause, she decided he was either terribly shy or was not interested. She decide to press her luck.

"Are you going to the dance Thursday night?" she queried.

"I'm sure I'll need to be there to keep the peace," he answered, a slight blush tingeing his cheeks.

"I'll be there as well. It would be nice to have an escort who could discourage some of the gentlemen in town from trying to get overly friendly." That was as direct as she could be without coming out and asking him to take her to the dance.

Buck's heart skipped a beat as a big smile crossed his face. She wanted him to take her to the dance? His day had just improved tenfold. He was about to make it official and ask if he could take her, when something caught his eye. It was the same gray wolf from before standing just behind Elizabeth out on the dusty street. Buck's expression quickly changed from joy to puzzlement. He watched as the wolf seemed to hang his head in disappointment and vanish between two buildings. Buck started to follow it, when Elizabeth stopped him.

"I still have two days," she said angrily. "I'm sure I can find a proper gentleman who knows how to treat a lady." With that, she turned and marched across the street. Buck didn't know whom to chase--Elizabeth or the wolf. He finally decided not to pursue either. Elizabeth was already across the street flirting with another young man who seemed to have no problem asking her to the dance. And Buck was certain that the wolf had not really been there, since no one else seemed to notice it.

Why had he seen the same wolf two times in just over a month? Were the spirits trying to tell him something? What? Buck decided that if he ever saw the wolf again, he would try to follow it and solve this mystery.

CHAPTER 3

The day before Independence Day found Buck with little to do but his routine chores. While Teaspoon handled most of the duties at the marshal’s office, Buck had time to ponder the events from a couple of days before. Had he really seen the gray wolf, or was it his imagination? Perhaps his mind was playing tricks on him and caused him to see the wolf because he was too shy to ask Elizabeth Macleod to the dance. Whatever the case, he was about to find out because Elizabeth was headed right toward him. She had a determined look on her face that Buck was unable to read. As she approached, her face softened a bit, and she spoke.

"I’ve been asking around town about you, and I’ve found that you aren’t normally rude to people, especially ladies. Is that true?" she asked coyly.

"Well, I…yes, ma’am. I…I’m sorry about the other day. I didn’t mean to offend you. I was distracted—by the sun."

"Oh," she replied. She felt rejected and sighed heavily.

"But if you’ll give me another chance, I would like to show you that I do know how to treat a lady like yourself. I’m really not rude. I was just tired. Please forgive me," Buck said quickly. He was determined not to ruin his chance with her again.

"And how would you show me?" she asked while twirling her red locks between her fingers and batting her long lashes.

"I could accompany you to the Independence Day Dance, if you don’t already have an escort." He smiled shyly, then stared down at his boots.

"Well, alright. I guess everyone deserves a second chance. You can come to my house to meet my father and have supper at 6:00 tomorrow night," she announced. She turned to leave with a satisfied grin on her face. Buck was the most handsome bachelor in town, and she resolved to land him as a husband. It didn’t matter to her that he was only half white. He was decent, kind and had a respectable job. The other men in the town were too old, too drunk or too stupid. If she had to stay in this two-bit town that her father had chosen to settle, Elizabeth was determined to make the most of it.

Buck felt himself grinning from ear to ear. Well, that was it. There was no gray wolf, he thought. It was just his mind playing tricks on him. He shook himself out of his stupor to go tell Rachel the good news.

Rachel was cautious, but delighted. She had hoped to see all of her "boys" settled and content. She didn’t know Elizabeth very well, but maybe her first impression was wrong. She initially thought Miss Macleod was haughty and self-centered. But if she made Buck happy, she couldn’t be that bad. She would just have to give the girl another chance. Maybe it was just the Scottish accent that projected that air of arrogance.

Teaspoon was also pleased with the turn of events. It had been a while since they’d had anything joyful to anticipate. What with the war starting, the "family" dispersing, and all the deaths they had endured, it would be nice to have some good news. Although it was just a dance, Teaspoon couldn’t help but think a little farther down the road. A marriage to Elizabeth would bring Buck more respectability in town. Her father was well-liked and decent and was without prejudice. Buck could do much worse for a father-in-law. And Peter Macleod could do much, much worse for a son-in-law.

Teaspoon liked having Buck around and hoped that he would stay in Rock Creek permanently. He secretly was always Teaspoon’s favorite; they had much in common and seemed to understand each other well. He respected Buck’s ways, and Buck respected his. A marriage to Elizabeth would be perfect for Buck, as well as for Teaspoon and Rachel.

"Putting the cart before the horse," Teaspoon chuckled to himself. "They haven’t even been to the dance yet." But still he hoped that things would turn out for them all.

CHAPTER 4

It was 5:30 on July Fourth, and Buck was pacing nervously.

"Will you calm down? It’s just supper and a dance," Rachel said teasingly.

Teaspoon spoke with mock seriousness. "I’ve heard tell those Scottish folks eat the innards of sheep. It’s supposed to be a delicacy. Maybe Buck’s worried they’ll serve sheep guts for supper. I think he has a right to be fidgety."

"You two aren’t helping any," Buck answered with a grin. He was dressed in his Sunday best with his long hair pulled back into a neat ponytail. He gathered the flowers he had picked earlier and headed for the door. "I guess I’ll see you both at the dance."

"You’ll be fine," Rachel said, fixing his collar. "You’ll be the handsomest man there."

"Ahem," Teaspoon interrupted.

"Next to Teaspoon, that is," she added with a smirk.

Buck laughed as he left and headed toward the barn to get the wagon. He thought he saw something out of the corner of his eye, but he was too nervous to pay much attention.

He arrived at the Macleod’s at exactly 6:00. Supper went smoothly without a sheep gut in sight. Buck’s confidence grew as he got to know the family. Mr. Macleod, a large, cheerful man with bright red hair, took an instant liking to Buck, who felt quickly at home. Elizabeth’s two younger sisters, Heather and Amy, were smitten with their sister’s new beau. Neither said more than two words throughout the meal but giggled at everything Buck said. As for Elizabeth, she was articulate and headstrong, disagreeing with her father on occasion. But she obviously loved her family very much. How could Buck not fall for someone like her—beautiful, opinionated and loving. He was growing more and more fond of her with each passing moment.

"We should be heading to the dance. We don’t want to be the last ones there," Elizabeth stated as she stood to leave.

"Yes, we should. I mean, leave, that is." Buck suddenly felt butterflies in his stomach. The nervous excitement that had left during supper was back. "Let’s go."

The wagon ride into town found the two of them alone for the first time all night. They made pleasant conversation and finally started to relax around each other. Elizabeth began to share her dream of becoming a poet while Buck listened intently.

As she passionately described her favorite poems and poets, Buck suddenly saw something again out of the corner of his eye. It was a flash of light, like a reflection. He’d had the feeling that they were being followed since they had left the house, but he hadn’t seen anything.

Elizabeth sensed that he had gotten distracted again. "Am I boring you?"

"No, I’m just being cautious. I wouldn’t want anything to happen to a beautiful lady like you," Buck answered, turning all of his attention back to the pouting woman beside him.

"What could happen to me with you by my side?" He has such beautiful eyes, she thought as she gazed into them. "Besides, we’re here."

Buck pulled the wagon into the barn and helped Elizabeth down. They strolled confidently into the dance. All eyes were on them. The men were jealous that someone as undeserving as an Indian had brought the prettiest girl in town; the girls were secretly jealous that a foreigner had shown up with the handsomest man, although they would never admit that they, too, coveted Buck for his "savage" looks.

"They make a handsome couple," said Rachel to her dance partner.

"Yep, that’s just what I was thinking," Teaspoon replied.

Everyone had a wonderful time at the dance. The band played mostly lively, spirited tunes but added a few slow songs toward the end of the evening. Buck and Elizabeth danced almost every dance with each other, although they did switch occasionally with Teaspoon and Rachel. As the dance drew to a close a small fireworks display was set off at the end of town. The townspeople gathered to "ooh" and "ah" at the bright flashes of light and color. At the conclusion of the show, while the townsfolk disappeared, Buck and Elizabeth stood alone in the darkness for a few moments.

"I had a wonderful time tonight," Buck declared anxiously.

"Aye. Me, too." She looked expectantly into his eyes.

"I’d like…um…that is…maybe I could…can I kiss you?" he stammered.

"That would be the perfect ending to a perfect evening, Mr. Cross."

They leaned in together to share a short, sweet kiss. Suddenly, the anguished howl of a wolf broke the silence.

Buck jumped away from Elizabeth as though he’d been shot. "Did you hear that?" he whispered.

"No. What?" she asked with exasperation.

"Nothing. I guess I’m just nervous about what your father would do to me if he saw me kissing you. I better get you home," Buck replied, trying to sound casual. He escorted Elizabeth back to the barn and into the wagon. But his mind was already concentrating on what he knew he needed to do tomorrow.

CHAPTER 5

Buck awoke early the next morning with a sense of purpose. He had to discover what the gray wolf wanted of him. He was now certain that the wolf was some sort of spirit guide. But what did the spirits want to tell him? He knew a vision quest was the only way to find his answers.

In preparation for his journey, Buck skipped breakfast and went straight to his chores. A minimum of three days of fasting were necessary to help him become more open to the spirits.

Rachel noticed he didn’t eat and became concerned. "You aren’t coming down with something, are you? You didn’t eat a bite."

"No, I’m fine," he said while concentrating on cleaning out the barn. "I need to speak to Teaspoon about it first though, if you don’t mind."

"Of course, Buck," Rachel said softly. She was hurt that he didn’t want to confide his problems in her until speaking with the older man. She had come to think of Buck as a son, and his rebuffing hurt her more than he knew.

After cleaning up, he marched to the Marshal’s office to discuss his upcoming trek. He found the old man napping with his feet propped on the desk. Buck cleared his throat to awaken him. Teaspoon peered out from under his hat as he placed his feet on the floor.

"Teaspoon, I need to talk to you," he began slowly. "Something’s come up, and I need to go away for a little while."

"I was wondering when you would get around to telling me about it," Teaspoon replied with a quirk of his lips.

"You knew?" Buck asked incredulously.

"I know you better than you think. I know something’s been bothering you since you came back from Fort Campbell a couple of months ago. Now, what is it, son?"

"I never could put anything past you, Teaspoon," Buck chuckled. He then grew serious as he tried to explain the events that were plaguing him. "I’ve been having visions of a gray wolf. First, on the way back from Fort Campbell; next, when I was talking to Elizabeth last week; and again, last night after the fireworks. I think it’s a spirit guide. There’s something it’s trying to show me."

"Well, you know what you need to do then." He stood and stretched nonchalantly.

"But with the war heating up, tensions in the town are growing. I don’t want to leave you short-handed right now. Maybe I can…"

"Buck," Teaspoon interrupted, "I can handle things for a few days while you straighten this out. Besides, until you figure out what all this means, you won’t be much good to me while you’re distracted anyway. Now, go get ready for your trip." He patted him on the back in a fatherly way, then shooed him out the door.

Buck headed back to Rachel’s to try to smooth things over with her. He knew that he had hurt her feelings earlier. That was the last thing he had wanted to do. He didn’t have so many friends that he could afford to alienate any of them.

"Rachel," Buck called as he entered the house. "I need to talk to you. Explain what’s going on."

Rachel stopped her sewing and motioned for him to join her on the couch.

"You’re going to think I’m crazy, but believe me, I’m not." Buck paused, uncertain of how to continue. He tried to sort the words out before he began. "I’ve been having visions of a gray wolf lately. I think it’s a spirit guide that’s trying to tell me something or show me something. But I can’t figure out what that is while I’m in the white man’s world. I need to go on a vision quest."

"A what?" she asked.

"It’s when a warrior fasts for several days and takes a journey in the wilderness to open himself up to the spirit world. I’ll be leaving later today. I hope you understand."

"Well, not really. But I can see it’s important to you. What can I do to help?"

"Nothing," he said with a smile. "Just be here when I get back."

"Always." She hugged him tightly. She had a strange feeling she wouldn’t get many more chances to do that.

"I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I just felt I owed it to Teaspoon to tell him first that I was going to be leaving him short-handed for a few days."

"It’s alright. Really," she replied as she smoothed his hair out of his face. "What about Elizabeth?"

"I completely forgot about her. I don’t think she’ll understand this," he answered with a frown.

"If she cares, and I think she does, she’ll at least try."

Buck sighed heavily. He needed to speak to Elizabeth. He was surprised at how quickly his feelings for her had grown over the past couple of days. It wouldn’t be fair to just leave without letting her know why. He went to the barn to saddle up his horse and head to her house.

He half expected to see the gray wolf on his way out there. But the spirit did not show itself. Buck hesitantly knocked on the door of the MacLeod home. Amy, Elizabeth’s youngest sister, answered the door with a grin and showed Buck into the sitting room to wait. He didn’t have to wait long; Elizabeth hurried into the room, blushing and smiling broadly.

"I didn’t expect to see you so soon," she said demurely. "Don’t you think you’re rushing things?"

"I need to talk to you. It’s very important."

"I hardly know you, Buck. I like you very, very much. But…"

He stopped her abruptly. "Elizabeth, I’m going away for a few days."

"Why?" Her smile faded quickly. "Is it because of me?"

"No. No, of course not. It’s hard to explain," Buck took a deep breath and let it out slowly. It was important to him that she comprehend this trip.

"You know, I am half Kiowa. I hold the beliefs of my people very deeply inside me. Even though I was partly raised in a mission school, my heart has always been, and will always be, Kiowa. Do you understand?"

She nodded.

Buck continued, "I have been having visions lately. I believe the spirits are trying to tell me something. Something important."

Elizabeth looked at him skeptically, but allowed him to proceed.

"I need to go on a vision quest to open myself up to the spirits’ message. I’ll be leaving later this afternoon. I should be back within the week."

Elizabeth held back her tears, not understanding. "Is it something I did? If you don’t like me, Buck, all you have to do is say so." A single tear escaped down her cheek.

"No. It has nothing to do with you. I promise. I wouldn’t leave you if I didn’t feel I had to. I’m… I’m very fond of you," he admitted as he stared down at his feet. It was his turn to blush.

"I’m very fond of you, too." She dried her tears and smiled radiantly.
"Well, you better get going. The sooner you leave, the sooner you’ll come

back." The pluck and self-assuredness that he found so attractive in her was back.

He kissed her briefly, only to hear the gasps and giggles of the other two MacLeod sisters coming from the doorway where they were eavesdropping. They were shooed away by their elder sister, so that she could say a proper goodbye to the man with whom she was quickly falling in love. This time she initiated the kiss; it was much longer and held much promise.

"I’ll miss you," he said, not wanting to leave.
"Hurry back."

"I will." With that, he left to return to Rock Creek. His confidence was boosted for the upcoming trip. He knew he had a lot to return to.

CHAPTER 6

The third day of his pilgrimage was very much like the previous two. He had found a quiet place deep in the forest and had spent most of his time chanting and praying for guidance.

He had only just slipped into a trance when the gray wolf appeared before him in a vision. It bade him to follow, and Buck complied. Although his body remained seated on the warm forest floor, his soul was running behind the spirit wolf, trying to keep up with his swift companion.

In his mind, they ran for miles out of the forest and across the prairie. In the heat of the sun, the spirit wolf grew thirsty. It led Buck to a stream.

But the water was dammed. A slight trickle was all that was allowed through. Buck was very attuned to everything around him. He could feel the stream dying. The wolf was desperate to free it and to drink from it’s cool water. He went to the dam and managed to break through it with his teeth and paws as Buck watched nervously. But before the wolf could drink, more beavers came to rebuild the dam.

Again the spirit wolf unstopped the dam, but even more beavers came to further obstruct the stream. The more dams he destroyed, the more beavers came. Soon the wolf was surrounded by beavers. Buck could sense the wolf’s surrender and felt overwhelmingly defeated himself. They both were resigned to the beavers’ domination of the stream.

Suddenly a red bear came from behind them and began destroying all the dams with his mighty paws. One by one the barriers fell, and, although the beavers still came by the dozens, they were unsuccessful in rebuilding their dams.

The stream flowed freely once more. The bear and the wolf drank deeply. A sense of pride came over Buck as he watched the two spirits frolic in the water. They were exhilarated and content.

After a few minutes of romping in the stream, the spirit bear left, disappearing around the hill in the direction of the rushing water. The spirit wolf followed, but turned to face Buck with a knowing smile and a nod before vanishing as the red bear did. The illusion faded before him.

When Buck opened his eyes, the sun was just beginning to set. He got out his canteen for his first drink of water in three days as he pondered his vision. He felt at peace for the first time in months, maybe even years. He hadn’t realized how unsettled he had felt. He had been too busy just trying to survive to pay attention to his inner voice. He knew he had been changed by this experience. He felt different. He wondered if he somehow even looked different.

He got out the food that Rachel had prepared for him and ate before he settled in for the night. He would get a fresh start in the morning for his return to Rock Creek. He now understood what the spirits needed to show him. His real journey lay before him.

CHAPTER 7

Buck returned to Rock Creek early the next morning. Everything looked different to him, as though he was seeing things with a different set of eyes. The townspeople were just beginning to mill about, and he noticed how ordinary they all looked. He never noticed it before. They seemed so average. And they appeared to be so very different from him now.

As usual, they paid him no attention. To them, he was just the half-breed deputy that most of them barely tolerated. But Buck felt like so much more. He felt changed by the experience of his vision quest. Couldn’t they see it?

He stopped at Rachel’s house on the edge of town and took his trusted mount to the barn. After a good brushing and a generous amount of oats, Buck left his horse and strode to the house with confidence and a bit of sadness. He found both Rachel and Teaspoon waiting for him in the kitchen.

"Are you hungry? I’ve got some leftover potatoes and ham. Sit down." Rachel was always mothering him, not that he minded. He had lost his own mother so long ago, he could barely remember her face.

He ate in silence as his companions waited. Teaspoon sensed that something significant had happened on Buck’s journey. He got the impression that it would affect them all. The young man seemed different to him somehow. He had a sense of purpose that he had never seen in him before. Yes, this would impact all their lives.

After finishing his meal, the three of them made small talk about the events of the town since Buck’s departure four days earlier. They were trying to put off the inevitable and keep things normal for as long as possible. Even Rachel picked up on the feeling of impending change.

When the small talk was exhausted, it was Teaspoon that finally asked what had been on their minds since his return. "What did your vision tell you?"

Buck pondered for a moment how best to tell them. He had rehearsed this in his mind the entire way back into town. But now that the time was here, he was uncertain how to proceed. He cleared his throat and began.

"The gray wolf returned to me in my vision and took me on a journey to a stream that was dammed by beavers. Every time he destroyed a dam, more beavers came and built more dams. He was thirsty and losing hope. Suddenly, a red bear appeared in the vision and destroyed all the dams so that the stream could run freely as it was meant to. More beavers came, but they couldn’t dam the stream any longer. The bear and wolf ran happily the way of the running water."

The significance of the red bear was not lost on Teaspoon who remembered that was the name of Buck’s half brother, the Kiowa chief. He grew even more uneasy after hearing this.

"Have you figured out the meaning? What the spirits were trying to tell you?" Rachel asked innocently.

"Yes," he answered softly. He wasn’t sure either of them wanted to hear this, but they must. "I am the gray wolf. The beavers represent the white men who have dammed our way of life. The red bear, of course, is my brother. He has come to free me from the white man’s world."

They sat quietly for a moment, uncertain of what to say. Rachel finally broke the silence by stating, "I didn’t realize you felt trapped here."

"Neither did I. But once I understood this, I felt so free. Like I was meant to be."

"I’m sorry if we made you feel this way," she said tearfully.

"No, not at all. You’ve all been like a family to me. The only family I’ve known for a long time." He hugged her tightly.

"So, when are you leaving?" the older man asked. It wasn’t a question so much as it was a certainty.

"Soon," was the only reply.

"I thought the Kiowa treated you badly. How can you go back to being treated like a second class citizen? Why can’t you stay here?" she pleaded.

"They did treat me poorly when I was growing up, it’s true. I was always treated white by them. But don’t forget, I passed the test of manhood. I am a Kiowa warrior now." He added sadly, "and I’ve been treated like a second class citizen ever since I left them. To the whites, I am Indian. I’ve never really belonged."

"You belong with us," she argued.

"Not any more, Rachel. You will always be my family. My white family. But now I have to return to my real family. It’s the only way I can be free… I cannot ignore the spirits’ wishes."

Teaspoon agreed. "I think it was unavoidable. I’m surprised you stayed as long as you have. You have to follow your heart, son." He embraced the younger man fiercely. Tears formed in both their eyes. Their relationship was always more father/son than employer/employee. "When will you leave?" he asked again.

"I can stay on until you find a replacement, but I’d like to leave as soon as possible," he answered.

Rachel could bear it no more and ran from the room in tears. She was losing the last of her "children." And she knew she might never see this one again. It hurt as much to lose him as if he was her own child.

"Don’t worry. She’ll be alright," Teaspoon reassured him. "I’ll go talk to her." He followed after her, as much to hide his own tears as to comfort the grieving woman upstairs. He had his own grief to deal with.

Buck sat at the table and thought of all the good times he’d had there. He could remember the times that Cody had told them about the new girl he’d fallen in love with—that week. Or the times they had devised practical jokes on Teaspoon. And the time Kid and Lou announced their engagement. He recalled the plans they made to defeat various villains while sitting around this table.

And Ike. Mostly he remembered Ike sitting there. The most gentle, caring person he ever knew. Ike was happiest here, too. Thinking of his departed friend brought up the unhappier memories around this table. Arguments over the war. Grieving for friends. They had all done some growing up here. Now it was time to move on.

CHAPTER 8

Buck headed over to the MacLeod house early the next morning. He was not looking forward to telling Elizabeth that he was leaving. He was torn between wanting to abide by the wishes of the spirits and wanting to stay with his family and with her.

He knocked timidly. The door flew open, and Peter MacLeod greeted him with a hearty handshake and a slap on the back. He liked the boy very much and suspected he had come to ask for his daughter’s hand in marriage. He would give his approval readily. His eldest daughter could do worse than having a deputy for a husband.

Elizabeth rushed into the parlor as soon as she heard him enter. Buck thought she looked radiant in her emerald green dress, her long red curls bouncing behind her. She was beaming with joy to see him again. It had been nearly a week. She had missed him terribly.

She wanted to rush into his arms, but her father was there, and she didn’t want to be improper. She, too, had hoped that the handsome young man had come to propose marriage. They exchanged pleasantries and waited awkwardly until Mr. MacLeod took the hint that they wanted to be alone and left.

Buck asked her to take a walk with him outside. He had something important to tell her. She smiled knowingly and followed him out to the small grove of apple trees by the front gate. She waited impatiently for him to begin. Finally, he spoke.

"You know I went on a journey to try to find out what the spirits were trying to tell me. Well, I had a vision, and I know now what they needed to show me."

Buck paused for a moment. He knew he was about to break both their hearts. He looked away before he began again. He couldn’t bear to look into her eyes as he delivered the news.

"I don’t belong here anymore, if I ever did. I’m leaving as soon as Teaspoon can find another deputy. I need to find my people. That’s where I belong."

Elizabeth gasped loudly. This was not what she’d been expecting at all! "I thought you had feelings for me."

"I do." He turned to see the pain in her eyes. "I care for you a lot. But I can’t stay here anymore. I would be living a lie. I don’t belong in the white man’s world. I’m sorry," he whispered.

"Sorry? I thought you’d come to ask me to marry you. You’re sorry?" she yelled through the tears streaming down her face. "How can you do this to me?"

"I’m doing it partially for you. If I stayed, I would be going against my beliefs. I would be half a man. I just don’t belong here. Can’t you see that?" His tears had started to flow as well. Hurting her was the last thing he ever wanted to do.

"I don’t see. We could move to another town. We could move up North. Or you could try some other business. Ranching. You could take up ranching. Or writing. Or, or…" She couldn’t finish and began sobbing quietly. They both knew she was grasping at straws.

"I’m so sorry," he murmured, as he wiped away her tears.

"Then take me with you," she said seriously.

Buck actually considered it for a moment. Life with the Kiowa would be hard for her. She had a led a pampered life compared to his people. It would be too dangerous. And they would not easily accept her. No, it would never work.

"I can’t. You would be much better off here."

"Not without you. Please, Buck. Don’t leave me," she begged.

"I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry," he repeated over and over again as he turned and walked toward the house to retrieve his horse. He walked slowly back toward the gate leading his pony. He stopped to look at Elizabeth one more time.

"I’ll never forget you," he stated gently.

"Nor I you," she said in her lilting brogue.

With that, he climbed onto his saddle and slowly rode through the gate. He didn’t look back.

CHAPTER 9

Teaspoon had finally found a replacement deputy after a week and a half of looking. It was time for Buck to leave his family and friends behind. He was both dreading and looking forward to this day. He had packed his meager belongings the night before. All that was left now was to say goodbye.

Rachel had packed enough food to last him a week. He put it in the saddlebag atop the horse he had bought from Russell, Majors and Waddell when the pony express ended. He turned back around to face a tearful Rachel.

"You are always welcome here. You know that, don’t you?" she sniffled. "If things don’t work out with your other family, please come back to us."

"I will, Rachel. I promise." He hugged her for the last time before turning to Teaspoon.

"Take care, son. Holler if you ever need us. We’ll be there." His voice cracked with emotion. It wasn’t this hard to say goodbye to the other riders when they left Rock Creek. Perhaps because they were never too far away.

More likely, though, it was because he felt a special bond with the young Indian. He hugged him tightly. "I love you, Buck."

"I love you, too, Teaspoon." He could barely speak through the tears. He was suddenly having second thoughts about leaving. What if he had misinterpreted the vision? What if he couldn’t find his tribe again? What if they didn’t want him? He panicked momentarily until Teaspoon reassured him.

"You’re doing what’s right for you." Somehow he could sense the self-doubt. Reassurance from the older man was all Buck needed to restore his confidence. He mounted his horse and rode out of town without saying goodbye. Somehow, he felt that if he said the words, he would never see them again.

He headed northeast. The last time he had seen his people, they had been in that direction. There was no reason to think they were still in the same vicinity. He just had a feeling.

After four days of hard riding, he discovered tracks that he felt belonged to his people. He followed the tracks through the hills where he saw smoke from several campfires. Buck was suddenly nervous. He hadn’t seen his brother in over a year. Anxiously, he headed toward the smoke to a large clearing beside a stream. He had, indeed, found his tribe.

He approached slowly, uncertain of his reception. Silence descended over the camp as he entered. All eyes were on him. His brother was talking heatedly to several other warriors at the far end of the camp and stopped as he turned to find the reason for the quiet.

He smiled broadly. "Little Buck! You have returned to us. I am happy to see you again, brother." He embraced Buck warmly. "What brings you back?"

"I had a vision. I would like to discuss it with Standing Tree." The aging medicine man approached the men.

"I have been expecting you, Little Buck," he said slowly. He was bent from age and walked gingerly.

Buck should have been surprised at the ancient man’s response, but, for some reason, he knew it was true.

"Come. We will go into my tent to talk about this vision. You will tell me what you think it means." They disappeared into the tent. Chanted prayers and beating drums could be heard from inside, and after several hours, they reemerged.

Standing Tree called for the tribe to gather. Long had he been their medicine man. He was very powerful and wise. He had the full attention of his people whenever he spoke. No one ever disagreed with him. He was undoubtedly the most respected member of the group.

"Little Buck has had a vision. The spirits told him to return to us where he belongs. He has broken his connection with the white man’s world. He is Kiowa. Nothing else. From this day he will be known as Gray Wolf." Standing Tree had spoken, and what he said was irrefutable. He returned to his tent, and left Buck, now Gray Wolf, to be welcomed back into the fold.

The women immediately started arguing over who would feed him. The children gathered feathers and stones to give him. The men spoke to him about joining the hunting party in two days. It was as though none of the animosity toward him had ever existed. He was content. His brother stood back and watched with pride.

The next day was a new beginning for Gray Wolf. He was still getting used to his new name and failed to answer on a few occasions when he was called. He was enjoying getting into the routine of the tribe. He found he didn’t miss Teaspoon, Rachel and Elizabeth quite as much as he thought he would.

As dusk fell on his second day back, he was once again summoned by Standing Tree to join the circle of children who gathered weekly to hear stories of their people. Since they had no written language, it was important to pass down their legends to each generation. Gray Wolf took a seat next to the old medicine man, as he was directed.

"Tell us the story of how the world began," Standing Tree instructed him.

Buck was surprised by the request and felt he was being tested for something. So he began the tale that his mother had told him, that was told to her by her mother, and so on.

"The Kiowa once lived in the sky and wondered where they came from. They asked the Sun and the Moon, and they told the Kiowa that the Sun was their father and the Moon was their mother. They were sent to earth to live, but it was covered in water. They cried out for help from the buffalo, their brothers, who made the water recede. But there was no food for the People to eat, so the buffalo rolled over in happiness that their brothers had joined them on earth, and from the hair of the buffalo sprang plants for the Kiowa to eat."

Standing Tree smiled. "I am happy you remember what your mother taught you."

Gray Wolf sighed in relief. He had passed the test, but for what was he being tested?

"Short Arrow there is the son of Crow Dog," the old man said as he pointed to a small boy on the other side of the fire. "Blood runs from his nose sometimes. What medicine would you use to stop it?"

He tried to remember what his mother had used or at least what Rachel had done for Jimmy when he got into one of his fights. It came to him suddenly.

"I would pack his nose with yarrow and have him tilt his head back until it stopped."

"Does leaning the head back help?" the medicine man asked. He had never heard of this cure.

"Yes, I’ve seen it work many times before."

"Good. There are many things we can teach each other. Sleep well, Gray Wolf. Tomorrow is an important day for us all." With that, he retired into his tent, leaving the younger man to pondered what he meant.

Before the sun rose the next morning, the warriors were up and readying for their hunting trip. Prayers had been offered to ensure success before the expedition began.

They did not have to hunt for long. Several buffalo tracks were found about an hour outside of camp. Before noon, the hunting party was on their way back to camp with enough food and hides to last for several weeks.

"We have not had such good luck hunting in a long time," Red Bear stated to the party. "Perhaps Gray Wolf has brought us luck. The spirits are happy that he has returned."

Gray Wolf was proud that his brother felt that way. This was his first hunting trip with his tribe, and, while he wanted it to be successful, he doubted he had anything to do with it. Still, it felt good to get the credit for something good for his people. He no longer felt any of the old hostility toward him. Upon their return, a celebration was prepared. They had much for which to thank the spirits.

That evening Standing Tree once again gathered his people for an announcement. A hush grew over the tribe as he spoke. "I am an old man. I will not see many more summers. It is time to choose a new medicine man to protect our people. Tomorrow I will start teaching Gray Wolf my medicines. He will take care of you now."

The tribe was stunned, most especially Gray Wolf.

"He was raised mostly by the whites. What does he know of our ways now?" asked Plain Feather, Red Bear’s second in command.

"The spirits told me to expect him. They told me he would come to be the new medicine man. The spirits sent him here. He knows how to listen to them. And he knows some of the ways of white medicine. I can teach him our ways of medicine. He can bring his knowledge of both worlds to help us."

Some of the crowd was still skeptical until Standing Tree spoke forcefully, "I have made my decision. It will be so." He withdrew into his tent, leaving a bewildered Gray Wolf behind to answer the questions of his tribe.

After a long hour of discussion, the people finally seemed to accept that he was the best choice and had been sent by the spirits to be their new medicine man. After the crowd dispersed, Red Bear sat quietly with his brother.

"Did you have any idea this is why you were sent back to us?" he asked.

Gray Wolf chose his words carefully. "I knew I was sent back for a reason. In the back of my mind, I guess I knew the reason was special. No, I didn’t know I was going to be the medicine man. That was the farthest thing from my mind. But I think I knew I was meant to be something special. I felt so changed after my vision."

"I am proud of you my brother," he said with a hug. "Welcome home."

"Thank you. I’m glad to finally have a place I can call my home."